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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Should I warn him solicitor letter on way?

12 replies

Freedomplease · 12/08/2024 17:25

Ok, so brief pre story - separated 5 years, divorce papers signed at initial stages and agreed an amount for finances to be sorted, ex has since said he can’t raise the finances to pay me, refused re mortgage etc. I think he could if he tried a little harder and that he is trying to delay paying me for whatever reason. I have spoken with a solicitor, it’s going to take every spare penny I have to afford a solicitor so if I can sort without I would. Should I send a message to the ex warning him, in the nicest possible way, that this is my intention, to give him one last chance at finding the money before the letter lands and I end up spending a fortune??? A little advice help please

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 12/08/2024 17:27

I wouldn’t bother warning him no. If he wanted to make an agreement he would have, just let the letter arrive and get what you are owed.

NorthernSpirit · 12/08/2024 17:40

oerso I would send a message and say that after xx months of waiting you are now having to involve a solicitor. He’s had plenty of time to sort this.

You want to stay as amicable as possible, a solicitors letter is likely to rile him. Do your message warning him will soften that blow.

My now DH had to involve a solicitor/barrister when his EW refused to do something she said she would in the consent order.

As painful as it was for him having to pay for a solicitor/ barrister (again). It was money well spent as it stopped it dragging on.

LemonTT · 12/08/2024 18:39

I think if you want to avoid legal fees you need to ask him where things stand in terms of your financial agreement. Is he now pulling out of what has been agreed and to what end?

Assuming you have agreed to split finances and this is a fair split - what will change for him and you if you go to court. One or both of you end up with less and you pay lawyers fees.

The killer question you need to address is whether he has a chance of securing more equity if he pulls out of what you have agreed. If the answer is he doesn’t then he is wasting time and money for both of you by refusing to sell the house.

Going to court is risky for both of you. Unless you are solid ground with your share I would try to engage him in some rational negotiation.

Zeldee · 12/08/2024 22:32

You could also go to mediation, cheaper than court and if your ex refuses then it is not looked good by the court. Try referring yourself for this before you even think about threatening court. It may just be enough

Moonshiners · 12/08/2024 22:36

I would offer meditation. If he refuses say unless he agrees you have no choice but to go through solicitors and let him know letter will arrive.

Zeldee · 12/08/2024 22:44

try mediation before you even mention court to him, Tell him that you are both struggling to come to an agreement but that you want it to remain amicable. Dont bait him with court. Get him to mediation if you can and let the mediator argue for you. Failing that, after you have made an application to mediation and if he does not attend, then tell him you now have to go to court.

Dont let him know your plan, let him play his own game. If he refuses mediation then the court will come down on him for not trying to sort it out.

RandomMess · 12/08/2024 22:49

Well you need to have gone through mediation.

After that I would be going after him for costs in addition to your original settlement.

Zeldee · 12/08/2024 22:56

if you have a financial court order and he does not stick to the terms, then you can go for costs.

If it is just an agreement between you with, no deed being signed by you both, then you cannot.

Original poster
Freedomplease · 13/08/2024 14:36

NorthernSpirit · 12/08/2024 17:40

oerso I would send a message and say that after xx months of waiting you are now having to involve a solicitor. He’s had plenty of time to sort this.

You want to stay as amicable as possible, a solicitors letter is likely to rile him. Do your message warning him will soften that blow.

My now DH had to involve a solicitor/barrister when his EW refused to do something she said she would in the consent order.

As painful as it was for him having to pay for a solicitor/ barrister (again). It was money well spent as it stopped it dragging on.

That’s great thank you, this was my thinking, soften the blow so he doesn’t go mad when the letter arrives and give him the opportunity to sort it. He won’t, it’s been 5 years but at least I have been more than fair

OP posts:
Original poster
Freedomplease · 13/08/2024 14:38

LemonTT · 12/08/2024 18:39

I think if you want to avoid legal fees you need to ask him where things stand in terms of your financial agreement. Is he now pulling out of what has been agreed and to what end?

Assuming you have agreed to split finances and this is a fair split - what will change for him and you if you go to court. One or both of you end up with less and you pay lawyers fees.

The killer question you need to address is whether he has a chance of securing more equity if he pulls out of what you have agreed. If the answer is he doesn’t then he is wasting time and money for both of you by refusing to sell the house.

Going to court is risky for both of you. Unless you are solid ground with your share I would try to engage him in some rational negotiation.

The agreement we had come to was good for him not good for me. Much less than I think a court would consider settling on for me. I agree it’s risky because I don’t know what tricks he has up his sleeve, the house is owned by him, his father and brother on a farm, so not an easy one.

OP posts:
teenmaw · 13/08/2024 15:30

OP I'd not be wasting any more time in your shoes. This type of setup is not like your average separation where all these possible loop holes through shared assets etc exist. You know him best, either renegotiate while you still can if he's likely to give you a relatively fair deal, or just go to court and see what you can salvage. I doubt he's going to give you anything out of court so for me I'd just be resigning myself to the fact you need to do that to bring this to a close.

Original poster
Freedomplease · 13/08/2024 17:47

teenmaw · 13/08/2024 15:30

OP I'd not be wasting any more time in your shoes. This type of setup is not like your average separation where all these possible loop holes through shared assets etc exist. You know him best, either renegotiate while you still can if he's likely to give you a relatively fair deal, or just go to court and see what you can salvage. I doubt he's going to give you anything out of court so for me I'd just be resigning myself to the fact you need to do that to bring this to a close.

@teenmaw you’re so right, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. You’re right, he won’t settle now. He’s had his chance and left it, so it’s unlikely court can do any harm, they’ll try and get more for me than what he initially offered that I’m sure of. I was just at the end of my mind with it all and wanted it done. Now he’s taken this long I may as well be in it for the long haul . Thanks again

OP posts:
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