The mental load of life…

[mumoftwosons]

I don’t really know where to start with this post, or if I even want answers, but I just have to get this out.

In November 23 I overheard my husband talking to his friend, a man, at 3am in the morning in our house basically declaring his love for him. 6 weeks of trying and him telling me he went no contact (yes I know denial) I discovered he’d lied and when I confronted him he told me he couldn’t get the friend out of his head. So I ended our marriage on 29th December where he immediately left and spent the evening planning how he’d pay for his children and pay half our mortgage. Two days later they spent NYE together in Cardiff leaving me to ring in the new year home alone with our children in their beds.

During a few tough initial months following my decision to end our marriage, HIV testing and a lot of nastiness I started the divorce process in early February 24. My Uncle’s terminal cancer became more aggressive and he died in April 24. I was very close to him and I really miss him.

Finally I started feeling in a good place, my children and I are in a good place and I started to feel like my life was picking up. Then the latest bombshell hit that my dad has dementia, but we’ve missed the early on set due to him having other health conditions.

Tonight I’ve had an awful bedtime with my children. They’re only two and three and their dad decided it was great to take their dummies away this week and then send them home without them. All I can say is the week has been rough… I am exhausted. They don’t settle for bed, they’re not napping and they’re tantruming all the time. They only had the dummy for sleeping so I didn’t see it as a problem. I was planning on popping them into a special bag and leaving them for the fairies (or something) so that they did it at a time when they were ready. My theee year old is also potty training and I just feel this is too much in one go but it’s done now.

Back in January 24 I did a Talking Therapies referral and I am still waiting. I’ll be divorced in September 24 and I can’t even think about Christmas as it keeps me awake at night. The year has been AWFUL and I know everyone has their shit but I genuinely don’t know how much more shit I can take. Any advice other than the obvious ‘take time for yourself’ would be great! But if nothing then this was just an outlet to vent the load I am carrying.

Just read this and didn’t want to run. I’m sorry you’ve been through an AWFUL lot and feel your ex should have consulted you on the dummies.
Praying for you ❤️

@mumoftwosons I'm sorry to hear you're going through this too. It's very hard when your partner arbitrarily decides to blow your life up, and it sounds like the twattery has continued with the dummies. What sort of knobber does that!??

Please join us over at https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4978266-a-new-thread-for-those-struggling-with-separation-part-2-onwards-to-a-happier-future for chat & support. I've found the thread invaluable to find that (a) I'm not alone, (b) yes it is very hard and up and down and confusing, but (c) there are lots of women who've been this and emerged shinier the other side. Take care.

@mumoftwosons For what it's worth, I've found private counselling v helpful if you can afford the £/time. You have an awful lot on your plate, with grieving your relationship and family members and your dad being ill.

I have no advice, but I just wanted to give you a hand hold. It will get better. I know it feels like it won't.
I've been in a dark place myself and it does feel as if it is a never-ending thing. 🩷

I'd call Talking Therapies and just ask on time line, although the wait for one to one counselling is long have you done the workshops? They can be useful with small everyday things to help. I've just finished a four week one.

With everything else... You've had it tough. You ex shouldn't have taken the dummies away without a discussion and then sent them back to you. That's not positive Co parenting. Feel for you.

Get the kids outside a lot so they are tired and ready for bed. Let them get dirty and wet, while you sit and look at the two amazing humans you created, and celebrate how far you have come. It's difficult, especially when you can't see an ending in sight. But you're reaching out for helping and doing what you can. Maybe start writing down at the end of every day what you are grateful for talhaf day. Reframinv your mind, focusing on the positives when it feels like you have back to back struggles can help.

Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot in a short space of time.

I just wanted to say thank you to you all for taking the time to message. Some good tips which helped pull me out of a negative mindset. Today is a new day and I’m just trying to navigate moving forward as best I can! Thank you again