Formalised child arrangements - why??

[Whatwillbe2025]

If me and ex husband plan on having a financial consent order drawn up to divide assets, and plan on being flexible in terms of child care (he works away / funny days and times) is there a particular need for formalised child arrangements through the court?

I saw someone say on another post “in terms of a clean break, you need to formalise your financial split and child arrangements via court order”

No, if you can manage the arrangements informally and amicably then there is no need to go to court. The family courts are overwhelmed and successive governments have tried all kinds of initiatives to steer families like yours away from proceedings (not least because they can be very adversarial which can be harmful for children). You might want to look on the Cafcass website for ideas about how to manage arrangements between yourselves.

No need if you’re amicable and flexible

Agree. It's best for all if you can be flexible, decent and calm when co-parenting. The courts are there for when you really can't.

You can download some basic co parenting agreements on line detailing out expectations - I don't have a formal court determined custody agreement for my children

You do need your financial arrangements to be formalised through a consent order as part of the divorce though.

But you don't have to go to court, you just submit the docs and if the judge agrees they are reasonable they get signed off.

Two things

yiu need a consent order sealed by the court but you can agree this between you and on the basis of fairness a court will simply approve it. You don’t have to go to court to agree or decide the split. If you can’t agree than your end up in financial dispute in court. We agreed between ourselves .

child arrangements - you don’t need court at all for this if you agree between you. If you can’t the a child arrangements order will set out contact schedules . Personally I didn’t do this as we were close by, flexible and only agreed between us which is better for everyone if you can do this

Finances & child contact are 2 separate things.

If you can arrange both amicably it is so much better (for your mental health and pocket).

My now DH couldn’t arrange / discuss as his EW is extremely hostile.

Child arrangements they had to go to court for as she believed she was the more important parent & dictated contact. At her whim she decided he couldn’t see the children for months on end. He formalised contact through the family court so he could see his own children.

Yes you need something stating about holidays abroad and permissions because however amicable you are now later on down the road things change you see it on here all the time he won't sign a letter giving me permission what do I do etc etc the answer is get a court order agree where the child lives primarily etc

If you’re amicable you don’t have to have child arrangements agreed through court.

Reasons to have a court order could include the resident parent wanting to take the child on holiday without seeking permission every time, or the non resident parent wanting their contact time to be agreed when the resident parent is being obstructive.

It was me who made the statement and I do know you don’t need it for children. I was being a bit lazy and tbh felt the poster needed the closure and clean break of a court agreed arrangement.

If you are reasonable people you can agree things and move on. When people don’t move on they use informal arrangements to continue to engage with you. This is usually unnecessary conflict but can also be someone overstepping boundaries using a discussion about the children or the jointly owned house as an excuse.

Terrible advice

Arrangements can be formalised while still being flexible. You can formally state that over the course of each year taken as 1st September to 31st August the split of care will approximately X%:Y% with a reasonable variance of +/- Z% and you will compare notes around 1st June each year to verify whether you are on track to be within this range and adjust either the plans for the forthcoming summer holidays, or the financial support for the parent taking a higher burden, to compensate.

You decided to give wrong legal advice as you ‘felt lazy’ and took it upon yourself to decide on behalf of a stranger online what you think she should do?

The divorce & consent order are dealt with completely separately to matters regarding child contact arrangements. There is no obligation to have a formalised arrangement for them in order to do the other elements but a general idea will obviously be required to decide whether the financial agreement is fair or not. Having a child arrangements order is usually when the parents need an agreement which can be enforced and/or they can't agree so need the court to decide.

It was a he if it helps with your need to be right.

If you have a court order you have a default for when you disagree. You can always be flexible and work things out together. It’s not like the courts are monitoring your day to day activity. The order is just there when you don’t agree as a fallback to prevent drama.