Advice please - house sale/school catchment

[WooWooWinnie]

This is long. Apologies!

My wife of 6 years (partner of 10) has recently decided that our marriage is over. We have a 2 year old DD - same sex marriage, but married and we are both on the birth certificate.

Our finances are quite simple to separate, I think. We both earn the same and qualified at the same time so our pensions are the same. We took shared parental leave with dd so that hasn’t had much impact. We’ve already split our savings 50/50 and don't have any debts, except the mortgage. We are planning on sharing childcare of our daughter 50/50 also.

Unfortunately we only moved into our big expensive forever home 10 months ago. We are both currently still living in the house. ExW wants to stay in the house and it’s likely that her parents could buy me out and help her with the mortgage, but not for a year or so. Neither of us could afford the mortgage/bills alone and there is no possibility of me being able to buy her out. Altho I am jealous that she gets the big house and I’ll end up somewhere smaller and in a worse area, I accept that that’s life, I can’t afford the house and wouldn’t want to have it even if I could. We were going to grow old in that house and it’s ruined for me now.

The house is dated, but very liveable. We haven’t done anything significant to it. The housing market is more stagnant than it was so I’m not sure we’d get what we paid for it. Do I force sale now, and get my freedom sooner but potentially not as much money as I could get (I don’t have lots of savings - my ability to buy a new home relies on the equity from our current home) or grit my teeth and hang on for a year, potentially getting more money if I am bought out without going to market? But there’s no guarantee they will be able to buy me out then and then the market might be worse/it’s another year gone by without any particular updates to the house which might reduce its value. What’s sensible to do?

The other consideration is my dd. She is 2, so I am conscious that we will potentially be applying for her school place before this is all sorted. We’re in a mixed area but currently in catchment for a good primary. Do I hang on for that reason? If we end up selling, my address will probably be in catchment of a less good school. If we share childcare 50/50, what determines our dd’s main address? It seems like the sensible option on paper is to hang on, but indefinitely? I have been very hurt by the whole thing and just want to rebuild my life, but I also want the best for my dd in terms of stability and primary school.

Thank you for staying with me! All advice welcome! I don’t know anybody who’s been in this situation.

2 years old is very young for 50/50. And yes the school should be a priority. The dd is the priority here.

I do know what you mean, but we are both shift workers so end up doing 50/50 anyway pretty much. So dd is used to having 1 of us looking after her, I do appreciate that she is young to have 2 different addresses, but trying to maintain stability as much as I can which is why I’m hanging on until I can buy somewhere local and don’t want to rent.

In terms of achieving a clean break- you need to apply for a divorce and formalise your financial split and child arrangements with court orders. That could take time and bring you to the point where she can get the money from her parents. But the court order will award you your share. Now there is a risk that you rely on a gift from a third party to secure money you will need. If that doesn’t come through you then have to deal with deals and the need for more legal action. My personal opinion her offer isn’t something you can rely on. I would push ahead with a sale as part of the divorce. A big house is a luxury neither of you can afford.

There is no school place and even if your child was 4, a school move isn’t a huge disruption to their education. It would be different if they were doing exams and had formed friendships and community links.

You actually have a bog standard divorce with little or no issues other than one you are making for yourselves. Sell the house split the money and move on. If your ex wants to keep the house she need a better plan.

Agree with PP.

To answer your question about who applies for school in a 50/50 arrangement. One of you will remain the registered address for doctors etc. If your STBXW manages to remain in a nicer area that is also in catchment I would allow her to do the school application with her address.

I would suggest house is sold. If ex has more money, she stays in catchment in a smaller place. With financial help if need be. You buy where you can afford. As close as possible. She keeps in catchment and registers for GP and keeps child allowance. You still do your childcare split. It’s all about doing what’s best for child. However if you need money out of this house, you need it. Plus at the moment there isn’t a school.