I've officially asked him to separate. I'm scared of regret but too claustrophobic to continue.

[ToughAndGoing]

I've done it. It's been 5 years in the making if I'm honest. We've had good moments, he is a good person but there was no intimacy, no affection and I didn't want to fix it. There was nearly a 20 year age difference between us which in my twenties seemed attractive but has been one of the death knells of us to be honest. He's a good dad, a solid partner and pulls his weight and I stayed for years because of that, not wanting to swap problems for problems, not wanting to be alone, not wanting to upset the kids. I do still worry about it all. I do think will I ever find a man I do feel the right way about and is so dependable. I accept there will be moments of regret and what if. But surely staying would just be a life of claustrophobia, a life of ever building resentment. Surely this is the lesser of two evils?

I'm telling myself - if I was in the right marriage I wouldn't of spent the majority of the past 5 years questioning whether I should leave?

Things never being terrible enough to leave isn't a reason to stay, right?

Only you know why you made the decision tbh.

Of course I know, it's only natural to feel scared and doubt that I imagine. I just thought it could prove beneficial to hear people's experiences.

I could have written your post. It's bound to be scary after so long but 5 years is a long time to have been feeling this way. How many more years would you want to spend like this hoping it goes away? Doesn't make it easier knowing this.

I think that's what is pushing me forwards with this. I've spent years agonising over staying or leaving, clearly staying isn't working as I'm still feeling the same way. Maybe it's time to try the other option.

I could have written this post too. He is a good father and not a bad person. But he has selfish traits that manifests in different areas making me feel this way. Of course I’m not perfect and I always remind myself that he has to put up with me too. I’ve also asked for a seperation and questioning myself every day as he doesn’t want to. What if I’m the problem, what if I regret this for the rest of my life? But at the end of the day, it is not fair to them either if we stay witth them, knowing how we feel. They too deserve someone who loves them for who they are, no matter what went wrong. And we cannot stay with them out of fear for being alone, unless they are fully aware of how we feel. Handhold for you, because as I am typing these words I am still hoping to get the strength to go forward with my decision.

Sorry I don't have any experience to share, just wanted to acknowledge your post. Best wishes.