Husband went to erotic massage

[Tobyman]

Hi first time on here!

Married 10 year we have 4 kids and in pregnant now too.
Hisband has always had a small issue with porn but as far as I knew it was mostly something of the past with a few exceptions! Well. A couple weeks ago he told me he was getting help he thinks a sex addict I was a bit shocked as I had no inclination. I asked him to explain he just said he been distracted lately a lot having many urges online activity etc. I could see he was taking it very seriously he has started going to meetings doing the 12 step program with a sponsor. I asked him last week to be honest with me and tell me exactly what he has done. I don’t know if he told me the full truth but he eventually opened up and basically said he has been busy every night up late messaging women on his phone I assume prostitutute and illegal massage service enjoying speaking to them getting pictures from them etc. then he said he went last year I had no idea about this to an erotic massage parlour where he had a full naked body to body massage with a happy ending. I was shocked! Then he said and I did it again 2 weeks ago! But this time I paid for extra so I don’t know what that means I gues lots of mutual touching and he was petrified that he caught STD there but I said you didn’t have sex he said no .. but we did other things I assume he means oral like he licked her up there or something. Anyway I feel sick to the the stomach. Didn’t eat for about a week couldn’t think about anything else at all. And he is like I’m dealing with it I’m getting better I have an addiction which I can’t control and now I’m finally dealing with it. I don’t trust him I don’t think he has told me everything he says he has. He has broken my trust and he keeps saying stop looking over my phone stop asking me where I am you need to trust me but how can I? He told me he was very close to sleeping with prostitutes at the time but then decided to get a body massage instead. I’m so repulsed. But I’m also heavily invested in this relationship we share 4 kids and one on the way I can’t just pick up and leave. And he promised he is changing

Normally I would say run but he owed up to it plus you have 5 kids. Personally if he is getting help I would be looking to at least salvage something out of this

I can’t get passed the bit where he tells his pregnant wife he may have an STD

I am very sorry but this is not a Prince amongst men who has slightly messed up
He is a grown man who made the conscious effort to find, book and use an erotic massage

Sorry OP - get your act together and start to get your life back. I genuinely wonder when he realises what he’s lost if he will at any point improve - but I don’t hold out much hope.

Please look after yourself and your children - you deserve way better than this

He risked giving you an std that could have seriously harmed your unborn baby.

I don't care how addicted you are to something anyone who puts their child in harms way for a cheap sexual thrill should be locked up.

Seriously OP get rid.

Nice woman blaming for a man's shitty actions 🙄

Hang on so you are saying he's a diagnosed sex addict. An addiction is a constant and repeating event that the person can't maintain control of. Sec addicts do not tend to have sex with just one person. They are rampant and often engage in very risky sex that results in arrest, STDs and criminal records etc.

WHO exactly is he having all of this sex with if he didn't cheat on you ? 😂🤷🏼‍♀️.

He's leading you up the garden path. And you are seemingly happy to swallow this bollocks. This is insane 🤯

Two weeks isn't clean, it's barely detoxed. Even if it is a sex addiction. I worked in treatment and I don't believe sex is an addiction like alcohol. I think people can be compulsive, but drug addiction is harmful to the person themselves. Sex 'addiction' is harmful to the people around them, including the poor prostituted women.

I'd drop him like he's hot, personally. I bet you one million pounds he doesn't stop.

How could you ever have sex with him again knowing he's done all that - and probably a hell of a lot more that he hasn't told you about? Please have an STD test, I expect he has actually been having sex with them and that is really why he is worried about STD's. What a vile man.

Unfortunately I don't think you're going to get the stories you want because most women wouldn't put up with this. Personally I'd be leaving, but you have (almost) 5 children so not so easy I know. My only (very blunt) advice would be, if you stay, for the love of god don't have a 6th child with this man.

My ex was a drug addict but addiction no matter what you are addicted to works in the same way. Its always a circle and only a small percentage end up properly clean for life and it takes years to get to the point not weeks or months.

In my experience they don't change unless they want to for themselves. They won't do it for their family or anyone they have to do it for themselves.

They lie a hell of alot and find ways where you can't find out what they're doing. They do all sorts to hide what they're doing.

They are also master manipulators in getting you to believe what they say.

Having been there and done that and stayed for longer than i should have my advice would be to leave.

He has done far more than he is telling you he has done, he will continue to do it despite what hes telling you, he will find ways to carry this on like having a secret phone etc, and you will live the rest of your life paranoid about what hes doing constantly and that isn't the type of life to live or for your children to grow up in.

Is that how you want to live, OP?