What to do when your partner wants to divorce

[RR551987]

Messaging on behalf of a friend as I want to be able to help her practically as well as emotionally. My friends husband has just said he wants to end their marriage. He is going through a lot and has already had a counselling consultation but ultimately this may end in divorce. They have two young kids, have a house with a mortgage and I can only assume they have basic savings.

Can someone provide a step by step of what she should be doing to prepare for going through divorce e.g. things with house, joint savings and bank accounts etc. And anything else that she should consider.

First and foremost she should make an appointment with a good divorce/family law solicitor, local recommendations are best. They will be able to best guide her re: the next steps.

Is it a sudden decision that he wants a divorce?

Even if you can't afford a solicitor ongoing a basic one hour initial appointment will tell you pretty much how much you can expect to get from the divorce and how things are split. Well worth the cost.

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/divorce-and-separation

This was incredibly helpful to me when I started my divorce ‘journey’.

Also, Stowe Talks podcast- straight up, listener friendly, easy to understand, anxiety reducing talks about the various stages and aspects of divorce.

Give herself time to get past her initial emotional responses before deciding or agreeing to anything. She's likely to go through all the stages of grief, and high emotions don't help with long term pragmatic decisions.

Gather financial information - salaries, savings, pension pots, debts, get an idea of the equity in the house.

From personal experience and hearing many many experiences on Mumsnet, avoid knee-jerk insistence on keeping the family home if it's not financially viable.

@Malahide yeah it was a very sudden decision, he just said he was broken and it is best for everyone if he walks away. Everything seems very illogical from his perspective so it is great he is seeking therapy. It may not end in divorce but if it does, I want her to be prepared

@SerenityNowInsanityLater thanks so much for these, will have a read and share with her soon

@olderbutwiser great advice. She is obviously upset but also very angry. Luckily she is sensible and is trying to respond calmly to him as she is keeping the kids and co-parenting in mind. I also said she doesn't need to agree to anything, she can always say she needs time to think so I don't think she would make a snap decision. Will get her to get a good grasp on the finances. Thanks