Divorce as a mum/wife who earns more?

[Undergolf]

My DH has asked for divorce. I wanted to hear any experiences or advice from
women who earn more who have divorced, with kids. I earn £75k, he earns closer to £24k. We have 3DC. Ideally, I would like to have the children majority of time, say 5 days a week. They could go to their father for two nights. He hasn’t said what he would ask for.

I am not fussed about child maintenance from him. For example, if we sell the house, we could take 50/50 profit each. I could keep the kids living with me most of the time, I wouldn’t claim money off of him. Mainly because I know he couldn’t afford it. I could buy a new house for myself. He would probably have to stay with family then buy a small flat or rent a flat.

I guess I want to know if anyone has a similar scenario, and what happened? I know men usually demand 50/50 as a means of avoiding paying CMS. If I put it in writing that I won’t ask for CMS, he might not do this?

Also, is there any chance he could wrangle me having to pay money to him? Just because I earn more? His family is canny, so if there’s any way to wrangle this, he’ll do it.

We have both always worked full time (apart from I went part time for a bit after each child). So he can’t argue that he gave up any career etc for our kids. It’s just that I earn more. Only downside is he does have longer holidays than me, and looks after kids in school holidays. Although I could easily cover this by myself, by paying for holiday clubs etc. But I wonder if he could say “I always look after the kids during school holidays, therefore I demand 50/50 or 60/40 childcare and she has to pay me maintenance” type thing. Would a court grant that?

I was raised in a 50/50 parenting home and it was shit. I wouldn’t advocate for it AT ALL. In my mothers home with her new husband and my new half brother, I felt like a third wheel camping in their home. I would have far preferred to live with my father full time, and not had the constant packing up of my belongings, homework projects etc etc every week.

@mewkins I don’t want to derail the thread so won’t go on, but in my situation and those of some people I know, we have “ended up” deciding on 50/50 because we know if we don’t & go to court it might be forced on us & in a much more painful (& costly) way. Maybe this is also because we are not amicable?
I am not advocating for it. It’s not what I want for myself or my child (or my ex for that matter) but it’s what seems to be happening in more than one family I know.
I only commented because I was curious that previous posters were saying it wasn’t the norm whereas the families I know who have divorced are doing 50/50.

Ah I think that that's the key. If you can make the decision between you it will be much easier (and cheaper!) all round. Good luck, I hope it all ends ip OK x

You had a bad experience. It doesn't mean every 50:50 situation is the same. My stepkids have their own bedroom at each home. They also have everything they need at each home so they're never having to pack anything up or take things between houses.

I totally agree. My DH and his ex agreed 50:50 out of court. She is happy with 50:50, DH would prefer to have the kids the majority of the time but knows she's not going to agree to that and is unlikely to get in court. Court orders tend to be quite strict with minimal flexibility whereas an agreement out of court can be more flexible which I think is best for everyone.

I was the higher earner owning my own business. I ended up with my daughter all the time ( only sporadic daytime contact) and 45% of the assets as my ability to make good my position was greater.

You should log how much you do of domestic stuff.
Put this in writing to your DH and ask him to do more. Say something along the lines of what if I was hit by a bus you need to know what the kids schedules are and their medical info and how to do their homework etc. maybe he'll take some stuff on which is great, if he doesn't then you have evidence that he can't meet their day to day needs