The title says it all really. A year tomorrow, my DH screwed up by messaging on his phone whilst I was sat beside him. We were on a video call to friends at the time, so it was late in the evening. He basically refused to put his phone down and refused to tell me who it was. This was so out of character, that I immediately knew it was OW.
At the end of August, he was still refusing to tell me. All I got was "work". But no name. And told "you have nothing to worry about".
I admit I cried in front of him and literally begged him to tell me.
At the time he had been off sick from work for four months. (But otherwise worked office hours). So there was no reason for any contact from anyone at work in the evenings.
He guarded his phone- oh and his wallet! Then he slipped up and I read his phone. Messages to and from this work colleague...going on for around five months.
I was devastated beyond belief... he told her all about his life, and asked about hers. She knew all about our DS and dog...
He even messaged her on my birthday when we were out with friends. What hurt also was the messages and selfie whilst we were on holiday in Florida. One message even at the airport, giving her details and time HE was due to arrive home! Not one message mentioned me - his wife or her husband-
To add insult to injury, the messages continued even after my initial confrontion - once I had read his phone, it was ME who blocked and deleted her.
Oh he adamantly denied it was anything. He didn't like her as a person. She apparently drank pints and that would have put him off, he said. It was just banter, chit chat.
And though twice she asked him out for a coffee, he didn't think to refuse her....
I've had gaslighting to the extreme - and tears and more heartbreak over the past year. We initially had two sessions of relate counselling- he refused to go back after being told he had made "some serious errors of misjudgement".
Its been a personal struggle with conflicting emotions- hard after being together since our teen days and married - happily I thought for 41 years. Most days we are doing well. But he still denies knowing that what he was doing was wrong!
Oh he certainly was under no illusions when all the shit hit the fan.
Though he's taken full responsibility since and I've had a cupboard full of "sorrys"- as a married man - and an intelligent one, at that - how could he not know? And why did he not end it when first confronted?
I feel like I'm stuck in a sliding doors movie.
Your thoughts and any insights would be helpful.