Can my ex dictate how child maintenance is spent?

[TwinklePops]

Everyone was so helpful with my last post - I wondered if anyone has advice on the following please??
Basically, in short, can my ex-dictate how I spend the Child Maintenance he pays me?

My understanding is it’s meant to assist with the costs on the additional days I have them, for things such as housing costs, food and clothes etc. (We already have in place an agreement as to how we pay for things outside of this - which is what I think he wants to dictate and say I should be using the CM to pay for additional things such as school costs etc)

Hes basically said he’s looked into it and now thinks “we” should work out what it should be spent on.

Thank you!

No he can’t. I say this as someone who has had child maintenance for 18 years. That is your money to help pay towards keeping your child, that can be anything

Tell him to fuck the fuck off

Nope. None of his business. As long as you are providing for your child that money is just part of the family money pot. He can mind his business!

No. He's talking absolute rubbish. You don't have to get his agreement on what the child maintenance is spent on, you don't have to keep receipts, you don't have to produce a budget and show him. The money goes in to the household budget. That's it.

Nope. None of his business. It's a contribution towards the total costs of raising a child, providing a home, paying bills, buying food, etc etc etc. Don't start discussing this with him. He's looked into it = asked a bloke down the pub. It's a controlling thing from him - don't engage. Just respond something along the lines of 'no, that won't be possible' to everything he asks.

Absolutely not. He doesn't get to dictate how you spend CM.

Controling prick.

No. He's a controlling arsehole. Which I'm assuming you already knew.

Nope he can fuck off.

Not one penny of this is his business. He has zero say. It goes into your household budget to be spent as you see fit.
As for 'looking into it' as far as I am aware, there is nothing (others please correct me if I am wrong) that he can look into.
Probably been on a Justice for Fathers or an incel site.

Aren't you glad he's an ex and you don't owe him any explanationa of how you spend your money or monies due to you..

OP are your agreements 'safe'?
You should refuse to let him dictate, but when you do, is he likely to stop payment?

This is exactly what it’s about x

I’m not sure, it’s currently a private agreement and to be fair to him he’s always paid on time. He has threatened to lower them before to account for costs he thinks I’ve incurred (which turned out to be his error and so he never did it) x

remind him that ' we ' are no more. thus none of his business how you spend your money

While it is none of his business, you have a private arrangement, which means that he can pull the plug any time he feels like it, and you will have to get it reinstated.
Not suggesting you do this, but do you know what the payment would be if you went through CMS? Is it comparable?
Need some wise women here to stop OP being at his mercy, whilst maintaining some child maintenance.

Sorry I’m still not down with how to respond to you all individually 🙈 so those last two posts were responses to a couple of you but I’m just not sure how to do that .

in short there’s a particular bone of contention for him which is school lunches. We originally agreed we would pay for those ourselves outside of CM (as they are a choice to give and if he chose to give our kids a packed lunch on any given day I wouldn’t be responsible for paying for that so why should I pay if he chooses to give them school dinner).

He decided he doesn’t agree with that any more - he says he pays me more than enough money to cover it basically - the reason the CM is so high is because he earns a considerable wage, a lot more than I do each month take home. We use the Gov calculator to calculate it but it is currently a private agreement and we’re waiting for this to form part of our written consent order.

Anyway - he ran up a debt on two of the kids lunch bills and refused to pay - which I did in the end. I’ve made it clear I won’t be doing so again. But this is where it comes from.

Those who may also have seen my other post though will know he recently blindsided me with 50/50 contact request (a change from our existing split)…you guessed it…so he didn’t have to pay CM! 👌🏻🙄

Absolutely not. It just goes into your household budget and is not regarded as a separate amount. You are right - it is a contribution towards housing costs, rates, heating/water costs, food, clothing, toiletries, haircuts, travel/car costs, school trips, computers, TV licence, holidays with your children, and all the other things a household has to budget for. As long as your children are well looked after you can spend all your money, including CM, however you think best. Tell him to mind his own business.

He's just trying to control you in a different way. I speak from experience-having been sent a monthly incurred costs spreadsheet when I first walked away from my ExH for months.. Also a high earner and certainly has the money to pay! He has no right whatsoever to dictate what you spend the CM money on. I'm having a similar discussion about school uniform 🤦‍♀️

Remember that a child maintenance clause in a financial consent order only lasts for 12 months before either of you can apply to CMS and then that CMS calculation overrides the clause. So it’s almost pointless.

If he is hinting at 50/50 then any child maintenance could be very different after 12 months if the children see him more by that point. Make sure you look at a global maintenance clause which can apply regardless of either of you going to CMS/change in arrangements.

50/50 does not necessarily mean no maintenance. Unless he has full clothes/shoes/coats etc , pays half of dinners, clubs, childcare, school trips etc. it would still be reasonable for him to pay some maintenance. Particularly if he earns more than you