Not married house split advice

[FridayFeelingmidweek]

I'm losing sleep over my current situation. Not married, young children, house is mortgage joint tenancy. Separating as OH was unfaithful years ago and I recently found out about financial lies.

We have agreed on 50/50 split of house equity. We can't afford to buy each other out so will have to sell at some point. I don't want to uproot or stress the children at all. I can afford to pay the mortgage myself for the time being. Although OH won't like this, I am thinking it's best if he moves out to rented accommodation (he can afford to), and I will attempt to sell the house as soon as I can as I want to very carefully choose my/the children's home as they'll be with me 60% of the time. Also, I need time to get another job ideally as higher salary would be helpful with securing mortgage. AIBU with this plan?

If you are both agreed on selling and splitting equity 50/50 then I don't think you can expect your cheating partner to wait very long before you put the house on the market. It will be about 12 weeks from going to market to completion in any case. You could maybe ask him to wait a month.

I thought the opposite so it's good to get another opinion. I don't think he'll want to stress the children at all, he us sorry for what he's done but I think he will think renting is beneath him/embarrassing. I was thinking 6 months is realistic personally, and that's if it sells easily. I would take on the mortgage so he wouldn't be losing out much financially by renting.

All advice to him would be not to move out until the property is sold. Primarily for the reason that leaving the asset with someone who can delay and prevaricate over the sale will cost him a lot of money.

There is no guarantee you will cooperate with a sale and you clearly benefit from delaying it. So he could end up waiting for months if not years to get his equity or end up paying legal costs to get you to sell.

He might agree to it but he really shouldn’t.

I think the most you can do is ask him to take a 12 month tenancy and agree to put the house on the market so it sells and completes within this time frame (they are typically take 5-6 months from putting on the market to completing current). You can't expect him to wait more than a year for his share

Thanks everyone. I think because of what he's done, morally I think that he should do whatever it takes to make this easy kn the kids.

I'm not sure he's going to get much advice to be honest as he would then have to admit to people whwt he's done.

I definitely want to sell the house but have to be realistically about finding the children a good home.

Again, I appreciate the opinions. I'm in such a stressed place I probably can't think clearly.

Also, I've heard if Gingerbread, but is there anywhere else I can get advice from? Not in solicitor territory yet but I'd like to know if I have any viable options at all of how to cope emotionally and financially.

Although OH won't like this, I am thinking it's best if he moves out to rented accommodation

If he doesn’t want to, you can’t make him, just as much as he could think it’s better that you move out and he stays in the house until he can apply for, secure and have three months payslips in a higher paying job whilst you rent.

I would get the house on the market asap.

I would be doing everything I could to get him to agree to leave you and the kids in the house for a bit. Amazing how people focus on his 'rights' and his financial interests when he's turned his kids world upside down. I wouldn't give a tiny flying fuck about his financial interests at this point, only how to best move forward gently for the kids.

People are simply laying out the legal principles and what op will need to address

as they are not married and own the house as joint tenants he is owed 50%. He may move out but legally does not have to and op wouldn’t have any right to insist. He would be told not to leave for reasons already outlined.

Thanks @millymollymoomoo and @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug I see both points and am grateful for the responses. Yes 50% is the legal right, but I am looking at legal support at the moment because the reason I am scared yo have his name on the house (even if he does move out to rent) is that he could potentially gamble on the house still. Just trying to protect my children's and my financial safety and futures.

Thanks again. It's a pretty traumatic time to be honest.

How much time do you think you need to find the right home. Are you going to rent or buy somewhere else?

Hi everyone,
Do you have any advice or knowledge on rights when selling a house due to a breakup?
Context: unmarried, 2 children, joint mortgage, I want to just split 50/50.
Partner is saying he will only agree to sell the house if I agree to take the £8k early repayment fee on the mortgage. I’ll have main custody of children and full custody of pets and £8k would be a huge chunk of my equity, maybe preventing me getting a new house.
He also refuses to move out (which I know is the advice). He could easily move in with his parents who have space. I don’t have the same option with my parents. Plus I would have the children and pets.
I feel so trapped like I have no way out. Almost like he wants to keep it this way as I do EVERYTHING and he gets to live a life doing whatever the hell he wants whilst his kids are cared for, house cleaned, washing done, meals cooked etc etc. He got out of bed at 3:30pm today for context.
Every time I bring up the conversation of separating he either laughs at me or gets defensive/aggressive. The fact it won’t be amicable for the children terrifies me! I worry how nasty it could get 😢

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. This is absolutely not what a solicitor would suggest, but is there any way you can pay the £8k early release fee just so you can move on? I know women often end up in a less financially secure future just to move on and remove toxicity, but sometimes it just is the easiest thing, if you can afford to.