I was, for 30+ years in a coercive, controlling relationship. He dumped me, abruptly 15+ years ago. No warning with the strict instruction that there would be no discussion, no negotiation. Within a year I met a fantastic, loving man & have been gloriously happily married for 12 years - happier than I could have ever imagined. It took 5+ years to reach agreement with ex on property & the massive debts he left me with. Even my lawyer was astounded at his controlling arrogance & attempts to manipulate her.
Now 20 years on I have received a demand for tax credit he seems to have claimed. This means not only have I to contact him, but he has access to my whereabouts, email etc. It's very disturbing & I hate to use the word, but triggering. I do not have the £3k+ that's being demanded; have no record of ever having applied for this & no wish to deal with him & his manipulation. I should add, we were never married...he didn't 'believe ' in marriage.
My lovely husband is prepared to find the money to help me sleep & avoid ex's influence, but I feel ashamed, embarrassed & humiliated all over again - what coercion does (not, I should add from DH, only vile ex). Ex is rich now, with girlfriend who is only 2-3 years older than our daughter. He could pay easily, but in emails to date has laughed it off or refused to answer. My only hope is from Citizens Advice taking my case & the fact we had NO joint bank acc, so no evidence I benefited. But meantime I'm raking over past- albeit foolishly, beating myself up at my stupidity. Old wounds reopened. A past I hate revisiting...Any advice welcome...