How to restart your life after initiating a separation from the father of your kids

[StartingOverAt44]

I have last week told my husband I am unhappy and want to separate. We have been together for 17 years and have 3, almost all, teenage children.
a few years ago I tried leaving and stayed because he made more promises to change, but it never happened.

He is a lovely, kind husband and father to our children, and we are each others’s best friend. We both grew up in dysfunctional households and we moved abroad for almost 10 years. We both have no close family around or any real close friends. We are each others safety net.

My issue with our marriage is I fell out of love with him a long time ago, the passion and desire for intimacy is gone. He has changed over the years and has lost his way of what made him attractive to me.

I got to a crossroad where I actually allowed another man to replace that void which was my wake up call to end the marriage. i deserve to be to happy, I’m only 44 and I have a good career and I should be happy. I feel so sad in my marriage and so unfulfilled.

Im not saying I’ll enter into a new relationship however I want to have the ability to refind myself.
the reason I stayed so long is I am afraid as I have no friends or family, so it will be me and the kids starting over alone. I’ll have to be a rock to them to make sure they don’t suffer and figure out how to be alone and find a new life.

It’s only been a week so we’re working out how to make the living situation work as he wants to move out and live close to us so he can see the kids everyday. The kids have gone to their grandparents for a week and I am sleeping in my daughter’s bedroom.

any tips on how to find new friends would be much appreciated - I live near Cambridge in the UK
to be honest any tips or shared experience is much appreciated- I feel very isolated.

Just wanted to say good luck, you’ve got further than I’ve managed to. Keep going.

Thank you for your kind words, I hope you get to my place soon if that is what you want and need.
I’m here if you ever want to talk judgement free!

Well done OP, you absolutely deserve to be happy. You've made the 1st step just keep going. I'd suggest finding a hobby, where you can meet people with common interests

I’m in a very similar position with my marriage but haven’t successfully pulled the plug yet. It is imminent but I need to time it right. I’m just over the border from you too and 42.

I would suggest looking up Cambridge Blue Belles Women’s Institute (or another one but I do know of that one) - I’m an active member of my local WI and even within a relatively small group of women you will find people you connect with and who have shared experiences. In recent months my friendships there have been a huge support. And it’s a night out of the house to be you!

Thank you so much for the WI group, I’ll have a look and then.
i need to find the confidence to put myself out here alone with new people. I am actually quite an extrovert person, just not in a way where I actively go out alone.

i hope you get to your point soon!

I can totally relate to what you are going through as I have also told my husband I am not happy a few times and he does not take any notice. It's frustrating as I am not happy. If you'd like to chat I'm here for you xx

Gingin2 - well today was a kicker; we’re in the process to buy a 5 bed house and this was in the works for months before the proposed divorce. I was like ok I can make a 5 bed living arrangement work so the kids can see us every day but we sleep in separate rooms and the kids know we’re separated. Like I am trying here at this point to keep him in the kids life which is something he really wants. I would never take that away from him.
turns out we might not be able to get the finances - so in my mind we sell up and buy 2 smaller houses or I keep the house and he moves out with a legal agreement that says when we sell he still gets his 50%. Like we’ll figure it out, I can afford the current mortgage.

he then says today: well we’ll just buy a newer 4 bed house….. and I am like: uh we need 5 beds so that’s not going to work and he goes: I don’t intend us needing a 5th bedroom….. rightttttttt my mind blew up.

what in the Andrew Tate YouTube short is this sh1t - yeah tonight will be fun. Then I come home from work and I am doing dinner, cleaning, washing and tomorrow’s packed lunches. My mood is sub zero hahaha

Is he going to be sleeping on the sofa permanently then?

Hahaha that made me chuckle ‘didsomeonesaydogs’ - right?! I have not a clue what he was thinking. We didn’t speak last night, might have to wait a little before I can reply more elegantly to his statement.