Hi all, I need help with a really tough topic, please be gentle with me 🌺
A bit of history: my ex slapped my DS when he was 14th months old and I was heavily pregnant, I realised then I’d have to leave as soon as I could get a career and support both children. He hit him again aged 4 and I asked him to get therapy, it didn’t help. He intermittently used force on both kids and when they were 7 and 8 there was an incident when he slammed the eldest down on a wooden bench and stopped the youngest from getting me for help (I was working upstairs).
I reported to police and social services and I asked him to leave. It was classed as parental chastisement, previous instances against kids and controlling behaviour towards me recorded and not investigated, social services talked to him, gave us charities to get support and advised I supervise contact but did not put this in writing.
2.5 years later we are divorcing and he seeks 50-50 time with the kids (he’d had 2-3 night a week built gradually over time but this hasn’t always worked, neighbours have called police for arguments but no charges so I stopped this recently to keep kids safe). His motivation is financial ahead of division of assets, he neglects the children’s clothing, schooling and medical needs when with him and blames them or me for them having too many activities and school ‘sending too many emails’.
I’ve applied for a Child Arrangements Order and submitted C100 and C1A stating risk of violence and neglect using free legal advice here and there, but I’m not eligible for legal aid because I have an income, so I’ll represent myself while he has a lawyer.
I have my interview with CAFCASS soon where they’ll establish if there are safeguarding issues.
So, question is, will court consider the historical violence in their decision if nothing was done by police or soc. serv.? He may deny it and I only have my own account for an affidavit if fact finding hearing happens (my former therapist deleted notes on retirement and I do not want to rope friends in).
How can I demonstrate the real risk to the kids?
Sorry for the long post, any help or ideas much appreciated.