I’ve been with my DH 22 years, married for 13, 2 kids ages 9 & 6years. I feel my DH has always been controlling, and short tempered, the jealous type. I know I’m probably going to get a lock of stick for saying this now but lately I’m just really fed up of being treated like I’m stupid, comments on my being, trying to please him or not set him off on a rant. I’m also not sure if he is racist, he would never say anything direct towards someone but say if we are our driving in the car and someone has done a bad manoeuvre or caused a hold up he will have a moan and say ‘oh look shock, they’re coloured…they can’t drive’ and things like they don’t know how to swim. Also say about Indians or coloured skins smell etc I’ve noticed that my son is picking up on all of this aswell and it’s starting to worry me. My son also picks fun at me sometimes about my weight, I try laugh it off as my husband makes out i can’t take a laugh but it does upset me. Also my son will say things like I never pay for anything, like activities and takeaways, and daddy always does. It’s kind of true cos my husband earns more than me but I do pay my share towards mortgage and bills etc. if I’m out with the kids and can afford to pay I will.
My daughter sometimes goes to check if what’s she’s wearing is okay with daddy cos sometimes when I’ve dressed her he will say that doesn’t go.
When we go on holidays my husband will take control of all the bookings, the passports, the currency, I suppose I have just let him over the years so I’m partly to blame but if I try and say why do you always do that he makes out that I’m not capable and I’d have it all messed up.
He doesn’t offer to give me lifts anywhere, even if I ask it’s like I’m asking for the world or something if I ever have a night out with a friend which is hardly ever and if I do I feel like he goes strange with me and asks me questions like I’ve been up to no good.
Our house is heavily influenced by his style, mostly grey and dull, I would love brighter colours but he doesn’t like that he says.
There’s lots more I could say.
On the positive side he is usually affectionate and thoughtful, doesn’t drink, doesn’t have addictions like gambling or anything like that, I don’t have any suspicions of infidelity.
I also suffered from anxiety and depression probably before I met him but latterly I’m struggling more and I wonder a lot if I’d be happier without him. I don’t want to break up the family but at the same time I worry about how this will be effecting the kids growing up with this going on around them or am I being too sensitive?