What surname?!

[Kiki02]

I need your help!

I am currently getting divorced 🎉 but I’m not sure what to do with my surname?

My children obviously have my ex husbands surname (3 x girls & 1 x boy) as do I so if I kept it we would match I guess but equally, don’t like that tie with my name.

I could revert to my maiden name equally, I’m not too precious/like that one either due to it being my step fathers & none of my children have that one either.

I don’t think he’d be happy for me to change all of their surnames to my maiden name & double barrel would be awfully long for the.

I really don’t know what to do other than create a whole new surname for myself 🤣

Any advice on what you’ve done or did would be greatly appreciated.

I would stick with your married name if you don’t feel a connection to your maiden name.

Although, could you use your Mum’s maiden name?

Or double barrel Mum’s maiden name and your married name? The kids can stay as they are and you have the double barrel.

Child of divorce here. Mum and I both changed our name back to her maiden name. I subsequently got married but kept it!

I’d keep the name as it’s the same as my children’s.

Keep the married name. If you ever marry again, you could change it again at that point.

For the sake of travel with kids (it’s a pain having different surnames on different passports), I’d keep my married name and use my original surname (at birth)-I got clawed to death for writing ‘maiden’ on MN- for work, email, pretty much everything else.

I currently use my original surname for everything; my bills, subscriptions, email, social media, pretty much everything. The official’stuff’ like my NI number, NHS, bank accounts, passport is where I’m still using my married name.
However as soon as my decree absolute is issued, I will revert to my original name across the board.

Two of my children have my original surname and their dad/my ex isn’t at all in our lives. His surname just has no value or meaning for us as a family, sadly.

In your case, it is easier to keep your married name (as mentioned, especially when it comes to travel).

You can call yourself anything you want, just takes a deed poll. After my divorce I was seriously thinking of a name change but decided to stay with the same name as the kids ... so I consider I got it from them!

Taking on a whole new name to avoid having the same name as the kids seems a bit sad.

I would consider changing back to my maiden name as I don't think I would feel comfortable keeping my married name and form of connection. I have dds though and I am presuming that they will more than likely change their surnames in the long run by (possibly) getting married. They are also getting older, so passport issues etc. will be less of a problem in a few years (and I have no plans to travel abroad etc). I would feel differently if my children were young though as wanting the link through same surname. I guess it is down to each person's preference.

You don't have to choose now. You can choose at any point in the future. Sit with it for now until your mind settles, you don't have to force it. You could even set a date in the future.

Choosing your own name doesn't have to be completely made up. You could look back through your family tree at previous maiden names or even first names of favourite relatives and riff on them a bit. Or go back to ancient practice and reference a placename, job or characteristic from your history, or your family's history. I love @Tumbler2121 's take that she's now got her children's surname rather than her ex's, but if that doesn't work for you then there is no need to live with it.

You will probably continue to be called Mrs Children'sSurname by your children's school. I'm completely unbothered by this - it's just a shorthand.

Change to your maiden name or even mother’s name. It’s better than keeping it and changing it when you marry again (like my mother did!)

Thank you everyone for your opinions it has really helped to remind me I have options & to look at the “married name” as from the children.

Thank you so much again 💕

I took my middle name as my legal surname.

Didn’t want to make one up entirely, but like you was unhappy with the options.

Thought if a bloke could be say David James why couldn’t I be Emma Pamela (insert other random names here). Being eg Ms Pamela is awesome as it makes me both unique (there’s no legal others) and ungoogleable as everyone of my age on Facebook just uses first and middle!

PS: it took me about four years to make that decision.

And when I remarried and had DC, I kept the name that was by then ALL MINE and made DC double barrel, so like James Smith-Pamela. (Though the actual name is probably even more weird, but I like it!)

So when I divorced a second time, I could at least not have to worry about any more patriarchal name nonsense and no arguments with Mr Smith.

(All probably outing, hence I’ve name changed, cos it’s easier on here than in real life!!)

Travelling with kids when you have a different surname is no big deal at all. It's a total non issue. Keep a photo of their birth certificates in your phone in a folder and you're good to go. I'm not sure why people continue to state that it's some kind of issue when it's not.

I have remarried but I still use my 1st husband's surname at work as I have published things in that name and it would disassociate me from that if I changed my name to my 2nd husband's. I use my new married name for anything personal though. My kids have a different surname to me, it has literally never been a problem at airports or anywhere else tbh.

Use both.

actually has loads of advantages. On line security, less admin work and hassle etc

so I still use married name legally. All legal docs, finanaces, local government etc. kids link to that name. No issues with passport or schools…

them I use maiden name socially and with all online stuff. So I operate 2 email addresses (well actually more than that). I got work to informally switch to maiden name but salary paid still in married name and official hr in married name. They were cool- didn’t make any admin work for them. Everyone I’ve met knew since divorce, family etc address me as Ms Maidenname.

It’s actually very handy.

once Kids left home then you could go the full legal switch .once they’re working and independent it matters not a jot you have same surname,