Advice please re financial settlement

[OnACloud]

Hi, I’m looking for advice on fair and sensible financial settlements. I know that eventually we will need legal input but to keep costs down I’d like us to be able to agree as much as we can between us.

Background: married 28 years, 2 children both young adults but living at home rent free (students). Not dependent in legal terms but we agreed jointly (and still do agree) that we will support them through their education).

DH’s earning and earning potential is much higher than mine (currently about 3 times higher but has been 10 times in the past). Partly this is due to skills, education etc but partly because I was a stay at home mum and also followed him around the country while he pursued his career (I did this willingly). Also, as children got older I worked and still do work part time to allow me to be more present and supportive at home (one child with mild additional needs). I would struggle to get a mortgage, where as he wouldn’t.

Pensions: DH’s is significantly better than mine.

House: when we sell we will have about £375 equity. The children have chosen to live with me so I will want a house adequate for this.

DH feels responsible and guilty about the marriage breakdown (he was unfaithful) and says I can have whatever I need for a financially stable future but I’m aware that that is probably irrelevant in the eyes of the law.

I don’t want to take the p*{! but I do want to be sensible about my future.

My quiesrion is, What would a court deem to be reasonable in this situation? If I said I wanted the house and half his pension he would agree but I know this is not practical or fair.

Any knowledgable advice much appreciated.

Please take the whole house!

PLEASE - if you regret it down the line then feel free to return half to him in 5 years

PLEASE DO NOT relinquish your shares in his business. Keep your shares.

Once he is invested in a new woman you may be taken by surprise how guarded he will become with his finances.

I appreciate all your comments thank you (well, maybe not the martyr comment 😉) .
I need to give it a rest for today or I’ll be thinking about it all night x

I'm wondering if he is being seemingly generous with the house and pension because he doesn't want you to realise the value of his business....

You cannot afford not to get proper legal advice! Yes, it'll cost you, but it would be foolhardy to try to do this on your own.

Educate yourself - Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, family solicitor websites

Make a list of ALL assets and debts/mortgage

Consult with an experienced family solicitor.

What you do and agree to now will determine your financial future. Don't risk ending up poor like so many divorced women!

I have access to everything. His generosity is guilt and self pity.

I would say in your situation you both need to be adequately housed (with space for the children) and able to provide for yourself in the future.

what breakdown covers the above?

@Quitelikeit totally wrong. Totally unfair. And in all likelihood would not get signed off by a judge ( rightly so!)

She works part time by choice and he has supported her financially for years. There’s no evidence he wouldn’t have the same earnings without op.

This

Of course he wouldn’t have been able to earn as much if he was picking up half the child care and domestic duties!
2 solicitors told me 70/30 would have been their starting point for me as not only past income has been limited, future earnings even in full time work would never be anywhere near his. I’ve agreed to not even 50/50 though as he threatened he could go for 50/50 custody and not give maintenance (it’s actually the night less with my son that bothers me more) and that he’d have to sell the family home which he’s living in and I want him to keep it for DS stability. Some men are absolute snakes. I think you should take what he’s offering, he should feel guilty for what he’s done to you so if that’s how he wants to try and appease his betrayal let him. It’ll be much easier for him to get a mortgage on a higher income and potentially with a new partner. Stay strong

not if he’s 50s and has no deposit and earns 60k a year. Completely unfair to expect him to start again with nothing !

its perfectly possible to have a career, further it and earn money with children. I, and many other women ( and men) did so.

Don’t be daft! There’s nothing on the OPs posts that indicate she was forced to give up work and do all the childcare. She’s a grown woman who also made choices. It’s not rocket science to know that stopping work = putting a halt to any earnings potential + no pension in later life. Amazingly, myself and my sisters, plus many of my friends, all managed to have full time careers earning £50k+ as well as partners with similar careers. Most of us are retired now with ok pensions Our children are happy adults, we have not become financially dependent on our partners.

I agree. It will be a massive struggle to get a mortgage in your 50s with no deposit and earning 60k. I think some posters are thinking this is more money than it actually is. OP sounds like a very sensible person. She is bound to be hurting but is able to separate that from what is fair to her ex. Yes, OP has said she sacrificed her career etc for him and as a result, the assets should be split fairly. But fairly is not one person getting everything.

@Soontobe60 Chufty badge for you then!

There's not a lot of money to be divided. You need to forget what you/people think is "fair" and get legal advice.

Whatever happens your best bet is to secure your own financial future through maximising your income and reducing your costs. Your children will need to understand that this will affect them as well, and they need to work hard towards full financial independence. There's no point in martyring yourself now if it means extreme poverty in old age!

I would look at the least expensive (to buy and run) property suitable for your needs and think hard about career options.

^ this absolutely.

A few hours of professional legal advice at £275/hour is a small price to pay for ensuring that you reach a fair split of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Please speak to a solicitor before you agree anything with your ex.

I agree it’s perfectly possible but it’s a choice we made as a couple, a choice we were both happy with.

I agree. And that’s fine. People can chose what’s best for them.

still unfair to walk away with 100% of equity and 50% of pension as some on this thread suggest And I will always dispute the notion that someone in a good job only dud so because of having someone at home. This is not aimed at you op, you are trying to work out a fair split.

Not read all the posts, so sorry if mentioned already. You are entitled to half the business as well ... I would have thought so.

Sadly none of this matters legally. Don't trade pension for equity. Yes house prices go up but not as much as pension investments can do. To give you an example I got 50% of joint pensions and it is worth more now even after 5/6 years of taking a monthly income. This pension investment will pass on as inheritance too. You could try to ask for 65% of equity due to the fact you will be housing your two children when they are at home. Depends on how guilty he is feeling.

I'd go for 70/30 split of equity in house and half his pension.

If judge won't sign that off then take it from there.

You could be housing adult kids for a few more years yet. I imagine if you split 50 50 you won't be able to house them then?

50/50 includes his pension pot btw so could mean you end up with all the house. The value of your assets and his are limited together and you get 50% and balancing off a bigger pension pot usually means you'll get more cash or more of the house.