Mediation - how to prepare?

[Bridgewhat24]

We are using mediation to avoid solicitors for financial and child agreements etc. How can I prepare so that we need as few sessions as possible?
Any experience welcomed!

Have a bullet point list of what your aims are (what you want agreed). Then a list of what you would actually like in your favour. And possible compromises thst you would be okay with.

Mediator usually does a one to one with you first so you can say whatever you need to without ex hearing. Make sure you have it written down so you don't forget anything.

It is okay to ask for a break mid way through a mediation appointment if you need a minute to calm down.

You can say that I'll consider this and reply next meeting if you need time to think. Don't agree and then go back on it as it isn't helpful.

I've forgotten the official term, but you can have the notes from the mediator with what was agreed, I think it should have been about £35. Get them. Even if you think you don't. You and your ex both need to agree for them to be realised so make sure you ask in the last meeting and get it sorted ASAP. Because then you both have a copy of what was agreed and no one can get confused.

Depending what you are agreeing, but if it is children related use the notes to get a solitor to write a parenting plan as that then supports you both and keeps conflict to a minimum.

Wish I'd known all this before mediation🤣🙄

Good luck.

Firstly I’m sorry you’re going through this it’s not a nice experience and mediation can be very nerve wracking if you are unable to agree without discussing things one to one. As was my case I was told by my now ex what would happen when we split.
But sorry I digress from your question.
all above I agree with. We had two sessions and the first one of 2 hours was mainly setting out the finances on a flip chart with bullet points on the children eg. ages, additional needs. Also the joint assets, income and other considerations. This took a while and then we were asked if we wanted a break but I didn’t want to waste any time. We agreed that I would go first with my ‘proposal’ which I did - basically to stay in the property - and reasons etc which I had prepared already so I didn’t forget when in there. Then the two hours were up and we had to wait another 4-6 weeks before the next session which was hard as we still lived in the family home together. My ex was impatient to tell me what they wanted which I already knew was to stay in the property but I didn’t want to discuss it outside of mediation as I found it very confrontational and that’s why we were doing mediation. So my advice would be that depending on your situation be prepared that it can take longer than 1 or two sessions. In the end we had two sessions but it seemed to take ages to agree and eventually we had to have a discussion at home to agree as we didn’t want to pay for more sessions. It really helped me to realise what was on the table and our priorities ie. children. Anyway I hope this helps and I wish you luck.

Thanks to both of you. Web Wed had one session now, the tips helped me to be prepared. We have our next in around 3 weeks, hoping to not need more than 3/4 due to cost.
Mediator advised we will both still need to get independent legal advice to satisfy the judge. Hoping to just have one short session each, any experience of this?
Did you have to do this too?

I also had a solicitor to apply to the court once we agreed on the terms and they drew up the submission to the divorce portal ensuring that all the forms D81 and other legal docs were in order. I also had a charge drawn up on the property so needed a solicitor for that. My solicitor told me that if both parties have had independent legal advice then the judge is less likely to contest any application. Mediation isn’t legal advice just a means to guide you to an agreed outcome. Everyone’s needs are different but I found it useful to point out any inconsistencies in my ex’s D81