Husband pushed me in front of our 2 year old while I am 7 weeks pregnant 💔

[Jamesmama]

Sorry for the long post, thank you for taking the time to read 🙏🏻
For a first time today husband pushed me in front of our 2 years old toddler. We had an argument via text while he was at work (mind you the reason was for him to come home after work so he can spend some time with the little one - lately he always has excuses why he can’t spend time with him like he used to). My sweet boy adores his dada, he is very smart he understands more then we adults do. So I texted husband telling him how he is always having excuses for not spending time with us, he was trying to justify himself, when he came back home he stormed through the door, shouting at me, I calmly (I always try to speak calmly to him for the sake of our child) responded but he got even more pissed and pushed me 💔💔❤️ I didn’t fell on the floor as it wasn’t that stong of a push but our little one was looking at the whole situation and looked so scared 😭😭😭 I picked my little one up and left on a walk, husband was pulling me to tell me something to my ear (using the f word) so he doesn’t say it in front of our little one .. uhhhh .. I am in a shock. Beyond any reasoning. There is no excuse for this. And I can’t stop but think about what our little one has witnessed. Will this one time damage him? I know, all over online says that if this happens once it will happen again. I am also almost 7 weeks pregnant and now I am thinking about abortion. How can I bring another child in this misery? But I also feel very guilty for even considering it. I live in the US but I am from Europe. My whole family is in Europe. I only have my husband and his family. We’ve been having arguments lately and it is mostly because he is not present with us. And I am not asking for much, at least an hour or two of quality time with my LO, and some cuddles with me before bed. Like he used to. But he always has some work to do. He does have a very demanding job which has him on call 24/7 but when you want something you will find the way/time. He used to. I also used to work with him and help him but since having our little one plus being pregnant I haven’t been able to help.
What do I do? He doesn’t apologize. He is always right. I just recently learned that. Not that apology will change what happened and will happen in the future.
In order for me to leave him I need to file for full custody, get it, so I can be able to go back to my home country. Otherwise I will need his approval to travel with my little one. Also, separating my little one from his beloved dada will be detrimental for him. He simply adores him and his day is not complete unless he spends quality time with his dad hence I always wanna make sure husband does spend time with him.
I worry so much for what my son witnessed today. He is very observant and sensitive, he looked sad and shocked after this for a while. I was talking to him how adults make mistakes, dada didn’t feel good and what he did was wrong, we don’t do that, we have to be always kind and respectful, giving hugs and love to eachother, apologizing and never repeat mistakes. What else can I do for my LO in regards for him to delete what he saw? If I separate from husband, will my little one needs a therapy? Please advise 😭💔

Is this the only time he's been aggressive or the first time he's used his hands?

He wasn't even remorseful after.

I'd be concerned this is a escalation of behaviour which will only get worse

So, im
absolutely not excusing him at all. However, is this the only time? was it a best of the moment thing?

tbh if I was stressed at work and had someone messaging me and having a go while I’d be pretty pissed off and would have emotions running high before I got home. Having someone constantly nag is not great either although I get you want him
home.

habe you thought of counselling so you can both discuss your problems in a mature non confrontational way.?

has he got help at work ( as you used to?)

if you did leave how would you envisage contact? As you’d likely be sending your son to the USA for extended periods ?

Book the next flight back to Europe. File for divorce in Europe. Negotiate custody from Europe.

Where was your son born OP? you might find it tricky to take him from the country if he's a US citizen, where are your family? It's hard to suggest how and when to leave without knowing the legal system around children.
Also think long and hard if you want to bring a second child into this

You are in a very difficult situation as you are in the US.

but you can file for divorce on the ground of abuse, which this was and your child is witnessing it.

one push is only the start. Inform your midwife and the police. Don’t let this escalate.

I would check the legalities of leaving the country with the children especially if they are not US citizens

If she gets in a plane with ds without permission she could be prosecuted for kidnap

I think. Slow down. Tensions are high. Emotions are high. How long have you been together? Is this the only time? Of course I’m not suggesting op stays with someone if this could escalate but was it out of character and what type of push ? It sounds like a heated argument.

Op clearly upset that husband not home and putting pressure on him. Husband clearly under pressure working long hours. They need to find a way to communicate rather than react.

this does not necessarily signal the start of an escalation at all ( although it could as we don’t know the people)

Just leave her son behind? Because if she takes him she'll most likely be arrested and extradited back to the US where she'll be imprisoned and lose custody of both children, after she's given birth handcuffed to a bed!

Thank you all for your opinions and replies. It means so much 🙏🏻❤️ I am sorry this is long again but I am trying to picture the situation in words to be easier understood.
My son was born in the US, he is a US Citizen. I am a naturalized US Citizen as well. I cannot just leave with my son on a plane because I need husband to agree with it (a parent needs a notarized agreement if traveling alone with an underaged child outside of the country). So as others already mentioned, without that it is considered a kidnapping.
Husband is overworked yes as he hasn’t found the proper help to replace me (he is the GM in the company and I was his right hand assistant so I was basically doing 95% of the work for over a decade, it is not easy but the easier work) before my little one was born-husband was just dealing with those 5% of heavy and big decision making work which is enough to overwhelm you even though less in volume.
I can replace my husband at his work any day any time if he chooses to. I have suggested this uncounted amount of times and we were doing this the first year the baby was born, taking turns, even in the 2nd year, but now little one is 2 and a half so husband rather stay in the office then deal with a busy 2 and a half year old even though he is easy and fun to deal with, not that terrible as they call the twos’. But this year for months already husband has been choosing to rather spend whole day in the office then spend time with son, and me. 9am-9pm. Now if you ask me, being in the office as hard and stressful as it is is easier then being with an on the go independent toddler so he is choosing the easier end. I am not just nagging about an occasional occurrence, this is happening for months already .. I spoke to his parents, my parents, none can understand why he has to be begged to spend time with our precious boy. LO is fun and easy to deal with, very verbal very communicative, one would think you are talking with a 4 year old and husband seems to adores our boy too but looks like he rather hihi haha with the employees then spend those last 2 hours of our LO’s day with him. So if I don’t remind him to come home after 5pm, he will just stay in the office, trying to relax, play some video game in the end of the day, chit chat about politics with one of the employees (who is btw older man but lots of fun to talk to so I understand I enjoy talking with that employee for hours too but duty calls at some point right?). Duty towards your child, who cares about the pregnant wife, who is currently dealing with horrible nausea. Having a child is high responsibility. He is a father that is very close with his child so my son is used to it and needs to spend a good couple of hours with him per each day to have his cup full as they say. Why his dada who is like his best friend doesn’t want to spend time with him? Is never there anymore? It hurts LO like it hurts us if someone so close suddenly doesn’t like to spend time with you. I wonder what this does to his still developing 2 year old brain.
I’ve mentioned couple therapy at least a 100 times, he doesn’t want to. So I decided to go to a therapy myself (I do it remotely as I don’t always have the opportunity to go in person). My therapist actually suggested months ago for me to go on a vacation to home land with my LO but husband didn’t wanted us to go without him as doesn’t want to be separated from LO for too long. So he misses him but rather just spent 5-10 min. a day with him before bed.
I am basically in a prison. Can’t go see family, can’t go see friends, cousins .. my parents came and are currently here for the summer, so that has been amazing for me and LO but still, noone can replace his need of time with dada at some point in the day. Grandparents will go back to home land in September and me and LO will be alone again whole day. I take him to many places, libraries, children museums etc. But you also need time as a family and husband doesn’t seems to enjoy that with us anymore.
Important detail: When husbands’ parents come to visit it’s a different story! He turns into the most caring most attentive husband and father, only for show in front of his parents for some reason. Again, this has been happening for months. So we need his mom or dad always present so he can enjoy spending time with us other than that we are no fun hence he leaves us alone whole day. Not even talk about my feelings of loneliness, I mainly worry about my child, I want to see him happy and I can see how negatively it affects him.
When dada comes home on time and spends a few hours with us, after what feels like being forced to do it - LO is literally jumping from joy, comes to me hugs me then goes to dada hugs him and does that back and forth while shouting family mama dada we are a family .. it breaks my heart to thousand pieces 😢😢😢
This current pregnancy was a mistake we both agreed on, and now I am thinking on termination which is beyond horrible and I don’t know how am I going to live with it.
I wish I can just close my eyes and wake up in the time before we had our son, but knowing about how husband will change, I would have left him in a heartbeat and go back to homeland and never turn back.

There is a lot here.

regarding your current pregnancy it’s a totally personal choice.

it won’t be impossible but will be harder to leave with 2 children.

if I was your friend / sister / mother I would not judge you or be anything other than supportive if you chose to have an abortion.
its a complex but understandable choice given the domestic abuse and violence (which statistically is likely going to escalate.)
if you do go down that route you should absolutely not tell your husband and go with the it was a miscarriage line.

whatever you do with the pregnancy you need to prioritise employment/ salaried work separate to your husbands business.

money brings choices…

He should never have pushed you, that was wrong of him.

However, the txt you sent him was more than likely the cause of it. He was at work where he may be under pressure to keep up with demands placed on him there then suddenly BOOM......He gets this txt from you.

I agree with what you said in the txt, you are right to point the situation out to him but doing it by txt is a big no.

I suggest, you discuss the situation in person only as it could have put your relationship at risk.

You need to apologise for sending the txt whilst he was at work instead of discussing it with him in person. Give him time to calm down and hopefully, you can both move on from it together.

What?!?

get away this is nonsense and victim blaming

it’s her fault he assaulted her and terrified their child????

i regularly get fucking annoying texts at work in my high stress job…
from my mum with some annoying imaginary “emergency”
my dh with some fuck up I have to fix for him
from childcare about my kids needing collecting asap as they are sick.

i don’t stew on it for two hours then shove my childminder to the floor

Seriously this is what is wrong with the world and why women are still held back....

NOONE has ANY right to put their hands on ANYONE for ANY excuse......

OP is this what u would tell ur daughter, niece granddaughter when she gets assaulted by her partner? Seriously u think SHE should apologise? Shame on you for making this the OP's fault.