Need help forming a reply

[mynamechangemyrules]

ExH has sent a pass agg message saying I've allowed the eldest 'too much say' leading to 'all these difficulties' (which means DC is now expressing (very clearly!) that they won't go with their father).

I need a non inflammatory response to this.

Or should I grey rock as usual?

So tired of the endless blame game he plays. Plus also would love to explain to him that yes, DCs are allowed some autonomy in how they live and spending time with someone who makes them feel like shit should not be compulsory.

Eldest has recently been found Gillick competent and we are preparing for court to allow him some rights regarding his life choices.

Personally I wouldn’t respond

I don't think you need to reply to that particular message to be honest. If he makes those digs in messages trying to make practical arrangements, just ignore the digs and stick to the objective stuff.

There's nothing you can say that will change his opinion or make him accept this. With my ex a response he didn't like, so anything where he doesn't completely get his way, would just be something else for him to be angry about and take out on me or the kids. The important bit for your DC is what you're doing, getting their needs listened to and met. Your ex doesn't need to understand or accept it, he just needs to comply with what court says. Grey rock is the only sensible option.

Thanks all 💕 need a sense check sometimes 😩