Me and my DH want a quick divorce

[Warrior13]

Hi I am feeling lost and need advice. Me and my DH have 2 young kids (primary school). It has got very hostile at home and not nice for the kids. We have agreed to divorce as he agrees that he abused the finances due to not speaking to me about the finances/business. Long story short he’s got himself into a lot of debt and going through an IVA that may or may not come to fruition.
I am very resentful as this has jeopardised a lot of our joint plans and plans for the kids. I am a student and trying to get my accreditation so I can get back to work and cannot have this jeopardised. We don’t see eye to eye but we have agreed that we need to divorce and he is happy for me to take majority of the assets out the house to buy a flat at least for me and the girls due to his “mistakes”.

I have no idea where I stand. I want a quick divorce as I do not want this impacting the kids. He feels the same as they are already upset with why we are not ok and I don’t know how to tell them without talking about their father in a negative way, so I have just said we now don’t get a long which is normal.

my priorities are now the kids. What are my options? I don’t have savings, I can’t pay the high fees so how can I apply for a divorce where I get majority of the asset(equity in my house)? Every divorce solicitor fees for the hour are so high and I feel so lost. Any advice guidance will be great. Thanks

Firstly there's two parts to divorce, the legal divorce and the financial split. The first is cheapest to apply online, no solicitor is needed. It takes 20 weeks from your application being accepted to being apply to apply for the conditional order then a a further 6 weeks and a day to final order. I highly recommend this path because solicitors really aren't required.

For the financial split situation it's more complicated. If you both can agree on the split, you can get it written up by a solicitor and file it once the conditional order is granted, generally as long as it's not too wide apart they will agree it. If you don't agree then you can try a mediator to come to an agreement, they can also help you arrange child contact, then as above write up the agreement. Finally if no agreement can be reached you can both have solicitors and they will fleece advise you and negotiate on your behalf, potentially going to court if no agreement is reached.

At least the first bit is now straightforward!

Thank you. I did speak to a divorce solicitor a couple of months ago and she said divorces are being streamlined now and can get divorced in 6 weeks. Would you happen to know anything about this? I’ve tried googling it and again get lost with the vast info available

thanks again

You can get a divorce yourselves as long as you are ok with form filling. However make sure you get a good financial deal

Thank you. We have agreed to submit a joint application. I think we have come to terms that our relationship is finished and our priorities are now the kids. Due to his debt and IVA, he has agreed to give me majority of the shares in the property, which is the only thing wr own together. Main priority is to get kids settled asap due to school and routine etc.

I don’t mind filling out forms but I get so lost with the steps.

1. fill out divorce forms via government website UK and pay a fee
2. wait for 20 weeks (but what happen to the law change and waiting for 6 weeks?) - I feel I may have misunderstood or misadvised now by the solicitor I paid £100 to for half hour
3. then apply for final order - here do I state what shares I want etc due to the kids living with me as husband will live with friend

thank you

Be very wary about the IVA. If he ends up declaring himself bankrupt, the trustee can look at any recent property transfer. If he transfers to you for less than half of the equity, the trustee might take the view that your husband is attempting to pull a fast one on his creditors.

I would still speak to a solicitor, to be honest.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

When I got divorced, mainly due to my DH getting himself in a huge amount of debt, he transferred the house into my name as part of the divorce settlement and in lieu of spousal maintenance, and also to make sure any creditors couldn't put a charge on the marital home. I had put down a large deposit and he paid the mortgage as I was only working part-time after the children were born. Suggest you do this before he gets an IVA as this could put a spanner in the works.

Came on to say the same as @MooseBeTimeForSnow

if he has debt and goes for IVA he may also be asked/expected to release equity from the house to settle some debts as part of this

you need legal advice before agreeing anything

Thank you.

I can’t put down anything as I have been studying whilst the kids were young. Unfortunately for me the qualification I gained wasn’t enough and now need to complete an accredited course to get into my career choice.

This is where the resentment comes in because he knew this and purposely excluded me from all the financial decisions he made regarding his business and got himself into debt.

He hasn’t agreed to the IVA yet due to the ongoing discussions but surely with 2 young kids I am entitled to majority percentage of the house? I am petitioning divorce on grounds of financial abuse, would that not be taken into account? He can have the rest but I just need enough to get myself and kids a 2 bed flat. I just don’t know how it all works.

I feel like I am going to get the short straw even though I had no say in this whole mess. My kids will suffer they have been brought up in a 5 bed house and now we’ll be reduced to a 2 bed flat. I feel like this is where life will teach me how it isn’t fair and it really isn’t.

How is he going to give you the equity in the house, is it going to be sold?

The 6 week divorce is definitely not a thing. Whoever told you that must have got confused with the 6 week (plus 1 day) period to have to wait between conditional order and final order.

The actual divorce is easy. It’s the financial order which is more complicated and if it’s not an even split it’s possible you will need to go to court for a judge to decide. I have 2 friends who have recently done this and the judge in both situations did not agree as the split was more in favour of the woman (this had been agreed by both parties prior) the judge refused and forced the split to be more equal (almost 50/50) so they ended up having to take out loans to pay off the exH

Yes sorry the 6 weeks from start to finish is not correct, there must’ve been a misunderstanding. You have to apply for the conditional order bit first, then wait min 6 months before anything else can happen so I would get on and do that bit today, it’s very straightforward.

the only thing to be wary of is that even if you agree between you the court could say your financial arrangement is not fair to him. But if you are having primary care of the kids then that’s less likely I think as their needs for housing etc will be paramount.

just be careful as technically assets and debt are joint when you’re married.

but if he’s in agreement with everything just push it through as fast as you can.

do the conditional order

write down all your assets and debts and agree the split - you’ll have to put it on a form D81 to get the financial order. Go to a solicitor with what you’ve agreed and get help submitting that or you can do it through an online company if it’s straightforward.

The "quick" divorce is 26 weeks - it's never been 6 weeks. Start this now. It's very easy online, costs £583, no need for a solicitor for this bit. After 20 weeks, you can apply for a conditional order and a judge will rule if you can divorce. That can take a couple of weeks depending how busy the courts are.

Whilst that is happening, get legal advice on the financial aspect. Once you've had the conditional order, you submit the financial order to the courts for approval. You can do that yourself too, but it's not as straightforward. I've used a solicitor (not a very good one unfortunately) and it's cost around £1200 just for the paperwork. In hindsight, I could have probably worked it out myself but we'd agreed an even split of assets.

6 weeks after the conditional order is granted, you can apply for the final order. Make sure your financial order has been approved before you do the final order.

If you complete the divorce before the financial order, you will still be financially linked.

Divorce is no fault so he won’t get penalised by that

you’re not automatically entitled to majority share by default simply because you have children ( irrespective of the debt)

the courts would look at housing needs of the children as a priority so in this case it may mean you being awarded more of the equity. I’m presuming he hasn’t secured any loans against the house?
is all the debt considered his alone ?
there may be implications all equity transferred to you especially if Iva is being arranged. Hence you need proper advice on the money aspect.

How much is the debt and how much equity is there in the house?

Normally, you would be allowed to stay in the house until your youngest child reaches the age of 18. I presume he can continue paying the mortgage after he has left or maybe change to an interest only mortgage? It doesn't matter that you haven't put anything financially into the house. I only mentioned that I happened to have put down a large deposit, but that wasn't relevant when it came to the divorce. It was just much easier for him to sign the house over to me, rather than to pay me spousal maintenance. At the time, the DWP paid the mortgage interest at the average rate (now it happens via a loan which has be be paid back once the house is sold, even if that's many years down the line) and I just made a small top-up as my interest rate was slightly higher than average, plus I also paid the capital. I was allowed to earn a small amount each week in addition to my benefits, so that pretty much covered the mortgage payments.

I wasn't able to return to work for many years as, at the time, it wasn't financially viable. For example, at one point I found a job for 20 hours a week (I didn't want to work more than that as I also helped to look after my elderly mother as well as looking after my two young children) and if I had accepted that job, I would have only been £1.41 a week better off! The system has completely changed now with Universal Credit, so you should hopefully be able to find something that meets your needs.

In your circumstances, I would definitely seek the help of a solicitor as they will be able to sort out the best settlement for you. It will be too complicated for you to navigate this without legal advice. Good luck!

If there is any equity in the marital home, be careful if DH enters into an IVA as Trustee will want to realise this money to pay creditors and doubt you would get more than 50% of the equity, no matter what your DH says or wants.

sorry but this notion of usually being allowed to stay in the house until youngest is 18 is absolutely wrong and very outdated. That is not the case at all
. in some cases it might be possible but it is not the norm at all.

spousal is also not common but there could be a case with very young children for a few years - but this will completely depend on his ability to pay which appears limited in op case