Help required

[Wizzbang68]

I filed for divorce ending my 35 year marriage in June 2024 . My husband has been angry, moody and totally switched off from family life for years and extremely negative about pretty much everything to the point I’m not allowed an opinion because I’m always wrong ,so we very rarely communicate to each other unless it’s regarding our adult children. He does very little around the house and has exhibited extremely controlling behaviours towards myself and our children even though they are both adults even though he denies this .

The problem is, he is burying his head in the sand and continuously refusing to acknowledge my decision each time I have asked for a divorce he storms off upstairs saying I’m trying to cause an argument when he finally comes back down the subject is changed and he acts as though nothing has been said it is unbearable and making me feel so anxious I’m on edge all the time.

I have been out of work after closing my business last July due stress anxiety and depression following a seizure so have no income other than ESA payment once a fortnight.

Does anyone know where I stand if he refuses to sign the divorce papers or to sell or buy me out? If I move out and rent somewhere, will I loose rights to our property (We jointly own the house with about £13,000 owing on the mortgage ) if that makes any difference. The situation is becoming unbearable.

Just file for divorce. If he doesn't sign the document your solicitor will just proceed anyway.

The advice I received was not to leave the marital home before financial settlement is sorted out, especially as it was a long marriage. What has your solicitor advised?

Divorcing as an older person after a significantly long marriage generally plays out differently. Assets tend to be greater, but earning potential, particularly for the woman, tends to be less once you are into your mid/late fifties, so settlement needs to focus on housing and income provision into retirement.

Moving out doesn’t impact your rights to the fmh asset or share of it

what it can do is make it hard to argue ( if you wanted to) that you need that house

it can also make it harder to sell etc as you’re not living in it so the other party can somewhat control this

Moving out should be a neural act but it often isn’t. In your case you would have high rental costs and a national lack of rental properties might mean you can’t even find one.

it also means you are negotiating with someone who has no imperative to settle or sell the property. They can hang on in the marital home for years. This does t even have to be out of spite. It can just because he or she is adverse to change.

but at the end of the day you need his cooperation not his consent. It’s worth trying to get cooperation as it is cheaper for both of you.

If you want a divorce, he can't deny you, you're getting divorced.

I'd file so he gets the official letter and hopefully a rocket up his backside. I believe you need to prove you have mediated or attempted to, so start that process and get him invited to an appointment. If he doesn't mediate, request your MIAM certificate- you will need this before you can start any court proceedings.

Sorry you are going through this. It can be very stressful being around someone who is constantly in a bad mood. Moving out should have no impact on what you are entitled to, but if your ex remains disengaged, these people can and often will drag the divorce out over years and face no repercussions for that, so be aware that is the legal system in this country if you are forced down the court route…

Moving out even temporarily though is probably a good idea to give you both space to get some perspective without being immersed in every thing so to speak. Have you got a friend or family you could live with for a couple of months?

Divorce is expensive and time consuming so be sure the upset at this stage of life is worth it. For some though it gives them a new lease of life, others huge regret. Think it through. Maybe get some personal counselling. I’d suggest you go for marriage counselling if after personal counselling you think it’s worth it. You might find it easier to separate first for 6 months or a year and then think about divorce as it sounds like you and your husband are on different pages.