Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help with housing/ children after separation

18 replies

cupcakegirl22 · 16/07/2024 13:24

Hi all,

I need some advice on next steps. My husband and I are currently going through a divorce. We have two children aged 4 and 6 and share a mortgaged home in both of our names. I want to sell the family home and go 50/50 with equity and move on with our separate lives, however he wants to buy me out of the home, but still have 50/50 with the equity. We were going to mediation, and I expressed that if he were to buy me out I would want more than 50% equity, as the house will be a growing asset and I would have to waste my equity on rent, as I can't afford to buy a house. I am happy for him to buy me out if he can afford it, I would just like a bit more equity if he does keep the family home.

He no longer wants to go to mediation, although we were about to finalise everything. What do I do now? Will a separation deed be enough to agree on selling the house/ Child arrangements, or will it have to go to court?I am on very low income and I am aware of the cost of courts and solicitor fees, so I want to use my money wisely. Any tips and advice will be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
TammyJones · 16/07/2024 13:28

If you sold the sold you would get x amount of pounds - split equally between you both.
Say you ended up with £100,000.
Then ti buy you out ex needs to pay you £100,000.
Either way you get the same amount

GiantHornets · 16/07/2024 13:29

I don’t understand what difference it would make?
Either DH pays you 50% or a stranger does, and you get the same amount of cash.
Presumably DH could afford to buy another house if he didn’t buy you out so he’d still have an appreciating asset

Chewbecca · 16/07/2024 13:30

As above, why does it make a difference to your share where the ££ comes from?

Are you looking for employment to help you get a mortgage in future with your share of the home?

Original poster
cupcakegirl22 · 16/07/2024 14:42

I'm saying that if my ex buys my share of the house, I would like more than 50% in equity, as he would have a growing asset out of it and I wouldn't. It's not fair for him to keep the house and give me 50%, the house will go up in price overtime and he would have more than 50% of the equity by then

OP posts:
VelvetChaise · 16/07/2024 14:47

cupcakegirl22 · 16/07/2024 14:42

I'm saying that if my ex buys my share of the house, I would like more than 50% in equity, as he would have a growing asset out of it and I wouldn't. It's not fair for him to keep the house and give me 50%, the house will go up in price overtime and he would have more than 50% of the equity by then

But you could invest your 50% into something that would also grow?

Not to say that a 50% split is fair or right, just that the logic you are using doesn’t seem to hold up.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 16/07/2024 14:52

@cupcakegirl22 if you sell the property and your ex buys a new property with the equity plus mortgage its still going to be an appreciating asset over time, why is it different?

SonicTheHodgeheg · 16/07/2024 14:56

If the house is sold, he might buy another house 🤷‍♀️

Whether or not the house is sold, the money you receive is the same. He would be lucky to save on the hassle and cost of moving but as you can’t afford the house, you should let this go.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 16/07/2024 14:58

Remember that going through court is costly in terms of money and stress so it might not be worth fighting for a bit more because he earns more than you.

Brooklyn70 · 16/07/2024 15:05

But he could come up with his own nonsensical argument.

he could say he wants more money because of the costs involved in running his own home (eg repairs) whereas your landlord would take care of the costs in your property.

I don’t know how much more you’d want, but it could end up being equal to the costs you’d incur with solicitors.

toobusytothink · 16/07/2024 15:05

Sorry but I think it’s absolutely fine for him to buy you out and you get 50% of the equity. He can obviously afford to raise a mortgage for the rest. And less upheaval for everyone and no stress of having to sell. Does sound a bit like you just don’t want him to stay in the house. But financially it makes no difference to you so I think you’re being silly. Actually you’d get more if he bought you out as you wouldn’t have to pay estate agent and lawyer fees.

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/07/2024 15:08

He is not advantaged (nor are you disadvantaged) in any way by him buying you out (vs selling and taking 50% of the equity) so I can’t see a reason for insisting on a different deal.

Andwegoroundagain · 16/07/2024 15:08

I think you need to check out a few of the free resources around for advice (the legal queen on Instagram springs to mind). The marital assets in principle will be pooled and this means not just house but also pension etc. Then you need to consider the children, will it be 50 50 or what will the arrangements be. And then out the back of that that gives you the housing needs. Then you split the assets according to the needs and the earning potential will also be a factor.
An example might be, you get more equity but he keeps his pension. But you may consider it beneficial depending on your age to get some of the pension and so you may agree to get less equity.
Ultimately both parties will need to accept a reduction in living standards and income typically after a divorce

millymollymoomoo · 16/07/2024 15:29

Your argument is nonsense

say house is 300k no morthgage

yiu sell and get 50:50 each so you get £150k

or
he buys you out by raising mortgage for £150k. You get £150k he has £150k equity plus £150k mortgage

you both have same equity.
you invest yours in a different house which will appreciate in value.

whether 50:50 is the fair share of assets is a separate question, but you don’t get more depending on whether you sell or he buys you out

FatfunandADHD · 16/07/2024 16:19

As others have said I am not sure you have communicated your reasoning well in your OP.

If the house value increases over time that will be as a result of him paying the mortgage etc.

If you are on such a low salary I am not sure why you are considering 50/50.

You need to look at how you could increase your salary to be able to get a mortgage in your own right (CMS payments can be included as income with some banks)

It sounds very much like a needs case from your post.

Equally as long as you can agree the value of the house, him buying you out will be a lot cheaper (as you should not have to deduct estate agents fees etc) and faster.

Crazycrazylady · 16/07/2024 16:49

Honestly that's sort of a balmy reason. You want to 'punish' him for buying the house by demanding more equity. You'll save the real estate fees by not selling plus avoid having to get it ready to sell etc . Agree fair equity of course but whether he buys you out or you sell it is totally irrelevant.

BookArt · 16/07/2024 18:22

It isn't logical. It doesn't matter who has the house, you were happy with 50%. The bonus of your ex buying you out is that the costs of selling may well reduce, no estate agent fees and your fine for leaving your mortgage earlier than planned if your ex stays with your current mortgage provider. Therefore you may well end up with more money. Something to consider.

It feels like if your ex can afford to buy you out you feel like he has won and therefore you deserve more money. But if you both sell up he could just move on to buy a house anyway. So this is about him keeping that house.

Psychologically for your children it is best for them that the house is kept so they don't completely lose their home.

I would suggest speaking to a solicitor before doing anything. If you can afford the mortgage and bills (you say low wage so I know how difficult and maybe how impossible that is) then you may be able to get an order where you stay in the house. But thst really does depend on your situation.

Pleasealexa · 16/07/2024 23:10

Have you got a clear view of all the assets - pensions, savings? A priority is to ensure both parties are housed. C

If you have a much lower income and will have more responsibility for childcare then the split may not be 50/50. I think mediation might be better for you as you will usually get full declaration of assets

What is your ex's income? 50/50 when you have the children and earn much less isn't a good deal for you.

Rubika · 07/09/2024 02:16

Both we are on tatile on unequal shares as he whas more and .yself 45% ,Ex would like to buy me out for 55% as I'm the main care for the kids, but he wants me to give the tittle of the property and rent from him for small rent for 6m and him to be away from the proprety . He give me 6m to find suitable accommodation if i dint find i 6m time i have equaty and this will deprive my universal credit as well .
We have 2 kids under 10 years old.
I have non molistation order and we try to get Ocupational order, but this is not guaranteed.
If I don't agree with him to buy me out I will loose the more equaty.
Is this safe options for me.and kids?
How can be secure the deail binded by solisitor and what is the risk for me and kids after 6m i can be thrown out as I don't have legal rights in proprety .
Any help.i would much appreciate.
Thank you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page