Ex buying child presents in lieu of seeing her

[Madtulip]

Hi there. My head is frazzled after long drawn out saga of separation. Looking for some clear thinking please. My soon to be ex sued me for joint custody and lost . I have sole custody and he has visitation ..I don’t block access at all oldest teenagers dont go. Youngest is eight .. so when there’s a sporting event on etc he cancels on her .. it happens about 10 per cent of the time last year. However he missed two days last week ( didn’t tell me until cer last minute and I’ve learnt not to react for a peaceful life etc ). Youngest came back this Sat with six gifts dated to cover the six days he’ll miss with her over next three weeks. He didn’t even confirm to me or her what he’s doing just figure out the message behind the gifts. He’s just disappeared off on a cycling trip and no word to anyone just the gifts .. It’s been hard and bitter with a childish man and I tend not to rock the boat … I’m not sure if I should be mad as hell or think he’s thoughtful with the gifts etc. I don’t know what to think or how I should react ?

Part of me thinks thoughtful, part of me thinks manipulative.

Either way I'd do my best to ignore. Trying to buy love is strange.

My son's dad doesn't have contact except facetimes at the moment and keeps telling our eldest about something he has bought him, or a monthly subscription he's got going to his house but in our child's name . At the moment we don't know when the kids will have contact, never mind unsupervised. So I find it strange and manipulative.

I'd think the best at the moment, it'll be interesting to see what presents he got her. That might sway your though process.

Carry on as normal, do what you do. Don't react.

I think there’s a reason he only got visitation and a reason your oldest kids don’t bother.

He’s buying her affections instead of spending valuable time with her. Don’t react, just say ‘how lovely, darling! Look this one is for tomorrow…’ and in the end she will make up her own mind.

You are her constant, her support and her emotional barometer and she’s looking to you for how she should feel. ‘How lovely darling!’ And move on with her weekend.

This. It’s totally manipulative but that’s all the more reason for you to keep doing what you’re doing and be the grown up. Xx

Yeah it’s pretty shit. But she will get the measure of him eventually just like her older siblings have

"Here kid, he's a token good for you to open and remember he exact days I couldn't be bothered to be your parent"

Let her open them all at once and be done with it. Just pure manipulation