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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

FDR in 10 days

7 replies

JKM66 · 15/07/2024 09:26

Both sides have solicitors but i am worried what will happen next. The hearing is in 10 days but the other side has missed all the deadlines and hasn't provided the information for us to make an offer. The delays are intentional and my solicitor has emailed them few times asking but there reply with excuses. Will the Judge be able to advice or will he order another appointment? I am so worried as i can not afford another solicitor's fee. I am already 10K in debt. Any information is appreciated.

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Baffers100 · 15/07/2024 14:42

Same boat here- had an email from his solicitor a week out saying they weren't ready to attend and could not use the FDA as a FDR. Got a new court date four months down the line and debt jumped to £12k now.

I think the system is an utter joke.

JKM66 · 15/07/2024 17:51

Thank you Baffers100 and I’m sorry that you are in the same situation. It’s awful and yes the system sucks. I just spoke with my solicitor and we have to postpone it to avoid another cost. Not many people can understand how devastating this is for me. We still live in the same house- he refused to leave- and is delaying the process as much as he can as he enjoys being in control. There has to be consequences for people like him that miss deadlines. What if he never gives the info? What happens then?

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Baffers100 · 15/07/2024 18:21

JKM66 · 15/07/2024 17:51

Thank you Baffers100 and I’m sorry that you are in the same situation. It’s awful and yes the system sucks. I just spoke with my solicitor and we have to postpone it to avoid another cost. Not many people can understand how devastating this is for me. We still live in the same house- he refused to leave- and is delaying the process as much as he can as he enjoys being in control. There has to be consequences for people like him that miss deadlines. What if he never gives the info? What happens then?

Again this is exactly where I am at too! He's now apparently found a way to buy me out of the home thanks to a loan from the MIL from hell. She is such a stinge, clearly only doing it because she perceives it as winning. STBXH has said "it won't be anywhere near 50% but it's more than you'll get in court. There will be no negotiation, it's that or court before christmas."

His solicitor is so incredibly rude. I am waiting for another aggressive email to land in my inbox with some measly offer. What are my options? Accept some cruddy deal and leave before I am totally bat sh!t crazy, or wait it out. Sit here for the October court date and face the third christmas in this place putting a fake smile on for the kids (who know we are divorcing).

If he can't come up with an offer, he thinks the court will offer me something rubbish and he will get given the house. This man can't feed the kids properly, doesn't enforce hygiene like tooth brushing, doesn't contribute to their costs, doesn't buy them clothes, never used to buy them presents, doesn't even think of putting the kids' to bed unless he has a reminder in his phone. He parents to the same standard he husbands....attrociously.

Aside from 1) accepting potentially crap offer, 2) Waiting for the court date and 3) trying to negotiate potentially crap offer which increases legal costs with each call and email...and if we don;t agree we are back at option 2...there's nothing I can do.

I don't want the house, AT ALL, but I am on the mortgage so I am stuck here because I can't afford this and rent. All the support you get is the legal boffins happy to send another email and charge you another £150 for the pleasure.

JKM66 · 15/07/2024 18:31

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s long and excruciating. My metal health is right at the bottom that’s why I had to apply for credit and hire the solicitor. She is as bad as him. How does that happen? At least my children are adults but that doesn’t mean that this has affected them any less. I have offered a very simple solution and in his favour (I just want this done and dusted) but he is determined to make this as painful as possible and he had been allowed to do so by the system.

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Baffers100 · 15/07/2024 19:44

JKM66 · 15/07/2024 18:31

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s long and excruciating. My metal health is right at the bottom that’s why I had to apply for credit and hire the solicitor. She is as bad as him. How does that happen? At least my children are adults but that doesn’t mean that this has affected them any less. I have offered a very simple solution and in his favour (I just want this done and dusted) but he is determined to make this as painful as possible and he had been allowed to do so by the system.

Times like this bring out the best and worst in people don't they. I guess we just have to push on knowing one day it will be over, but I hate the years he is stealing from me forcing my life to be on hold, and the toxicity the children are having to live with.

GentlemanJay · 15/07/2024 20:58

Brings back memories. My ex stalling. I know why. Long story.

We went into court. The judge said he couldn't give judgement that day (not sure why), go back out and sort it out.

The alternative was coming back to court in three months and it costing us another 5k each.

We did a deal in the waiting room.

Signed it. Judge signed it.

JKM66 · 16/07/2024 07:06

GentelmanJay why??? I don’t get it as he is suffering too. Is madness. How long for. It will come to an end one way or the other.
Going to the FDR with half info is a risk that I can’t take as the judge would do exactly as did to you. There is no negotiations with him. He will only agree when threatened with cost and being told by a judge. I’m so mad and stuck. I know that it will end one day but until then I am in an enormous stress. Why do human do this to another?

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