Separation with child - moving out

[Hedgetwig]

If me and my partner separated as we’re having continuous arguments at the moment and really not getting on well. What would the legally and morally right thing to do be for our child? I would want to move out as I currently live with my partner at his mums house which is planned to be sold in two years in her divorce. I would go home to my mums home (15 minutes down the road) with our daughter and save up to move out on my own or apply for social housing to move out locally. I would not want to stop the father seeing his daughter and I would want to make a visitation plan so she has routine and we both see her as much as possible jobs permitting. He works between 5-6 days a week, I’m on maternity until next year but when I return to work I’ll be working 3 days a week. I earn more financially and I can drive. I currently am the main person who looks after our daughter.

When we’ve discussed Separation before he said he wanted to be primary carer as he is more capable as a parent than myself and she lives in his mums house which is stability for her. But as I say there’s plans for the house to be sold in his mums divorce. I am just as capable as a parent, he may be more experienced as he has had a son in a prior relationship, but the son does not live with us and he does not currently see him due to financial issues. There is a court order in place that he can see his son with a professional third party but cannot currently afford it due to paying for previous court hearings, which I helped fund. He says he wouldn’t stop me from seeing her which I’m sceptical about as he has listed numerous things he has issues with in regards to my parenting but then doesn’t intervene or try to change anything I’m doing.

I don’t want to hurt or upset him and I never want to take his daughter away from him but I feel she would have a more stable, financially and emotionally stable home with me being primary carer with regular visitation and overnight stays with her dad. But he would not agree to this. If I was to leave can I literally just move out and take her with me? Can he stop me from taking her to live at my mums? Would I need to see a solicitor before visitation could start? What happens the day you decide to leave or move out if the other person wants to be the child’s primary carer? He said I could live at the home but he’d want to move on and meet someone else, I don’t think it would be best for me or our daughter.

Can you both 50:50 stated care and work out what arrangements accommodate that also pricing stability ?

I suggested 50:50 to him when we discussed it but he said that if we separated he wouldn’t want that he’d want to be her primary cater and would take me to court for it. I would much prefer just sorting it between ourselves for her.

Don’t let him bully you. Tell him you’re suggesting 50/50 (make sure you have a plan on how to manage your 50%) and if he doesn’t agree then he can take you to court. It’s unlikely a court would order any different (it could even go in your favour if the baby is still quite young)

Why does the contract with his son need to be supervised, and why did he have another child instead of using every penny he earns to see the child he already had? He does not seem like a good father.

Consistency of caregiver is more important than consistency of location, so if you're her main carer, your in a strong position to remain so. He can't stop you from leaving with her, but equally you can't prevent him from taking her back or not returning her after contact. You need to get a residency order that outlines who has her when. If you can't agree, the court will decide in her best interest, but if he has been deemed unsafe to be around his first child unsupervised, it seem unlikely he'd be given full residency of his second over a capable mother who is currently doing all care.

I don't understand the situation with his older child? That sounds more complicated than you describe. If he can't afford to see his older child how can he afford to raise his younger child?