Scared to leave? What will happen to our child

[DeeDee20]

please, if anyone has any advice. I’m scared to leave my partner of 10 years, not married, joint mortgage and 2yr old. It’s a horrible, toxic relationship and we had therapy for a few months but it’s just not working.
i think he’s abusive and i have lashed out at times when I just can’t take it. I’ve seen he writes exaggerated notes about our arguments on his phone, where I am to blame and it’s twisted so it looks really bad. I know my behaviour is not acceptable but I can not keep been treated this way.
my worry is that if I leave he’ll say this when it comes to child arrangements and my child will be taken from me. I have started to keep a diary of his emotional abuse and really tried to ignore it. I’m worried if this goes to court they will think I’m a bad mother and take my baby away. I’m so scared but I need to leave. It’s not healthy. Please, does anyone have advice ? It’s not good for us to stay together for our baby but I can’t risk them being taken away and court believing him.
thank you

I think you could contact Women's Aid and start to create a plan of how to separate.

Are you working, and do you have access to joint money if not? Can you get all your paperwork together in one place, for you and your DC.

If you can, try to take the heat out of any emotional situations, step away from the situation if you can and take a moment. If you can't, then the grey rock technique can work.

By "lashing out" do you mean you've actually hit your partner?

Do the below without him knowing:
See a solicitor
Get copies of all paperwork
Get important documents such as passport, birth certificate, etc
Get a bag of things you and your child need like clothes etc
Anything especially important to you that are irreplaceable like photos etc
Stash it all at a friend's or family member Follow the advice from the solicitor
If you do choose to leave the house (solicitor agrees given your circumstances) and have somewhere else to go then just leave without telling him, notify him after
I've heard Women's Aid are fantastic for advice, often you will have a local charity to help also. I would call them first as they can guide and help in so many ways
Then block him on all methods of communication bar one. That could be email, or a Co parenting app such as Our Family Wizard, although there are free alternatives. Treat him professionally and with no emotions in all correspondence and only communication in writing.
Wishing you luck

Sorry you are going through this Op.
All the advice already given is excellent 👍.
Good Luck.

Thank you both. Yes, after being told over and over how I’m to blame for everything, I should die, I’m a shit mum, lied to, suspected cheating, I have snapped and hit him. He hits back. He then calls me aggressive and it continues. I feel awful. We spoke about this in therapy where they pointed out to my partner it is abusive what he’s doing.
its just not me, I feel so bad. I’m not like this. I’m just so broken.
family are far away, I’m worried if I just get up and go he’ll be nasty to them. He’s not very nice about them anyway for no reason and has caused my sister to take a step back as he sent her a horrible message a few years ago.

Contact your sister. Explain the situation and get the hell out of that 'relationship'.
Neither of your actions are okay and your child should not have to grow up in an environment where this is happening. Call Women's Aid tomorrow and get the ball rolling.
You are going to have to put your child first, be extremely strong, and follow advice from experts. You are also going to have to look at grey rock and parallel parenting. The hardest part will be managing your emotions when he sends messages that trigger you. Do not retaliate. By grey rocking him you are being the better person. You then need to get into counselling for yourself to start healing.

Thank you, I have just been reading about grey rocking and will start immediately

His notes wont proove nothing , i can write whatever i want on my phone too doesnt make it true just cause i wrote it, some make believe stuff u know. He would need like screenshots and stuff like this from your messages to proove anything... so start screenshotting stuff yourself of the crap he says, voice messages and all that. Seek help from now if u see him being this sort of person. Have some evidence, speak to gp, hospital, police,anything, have some paper trail.
They wont take your kid away just cause someone said something (without actual proof).
Prepare for him to act like the greatest parent too. But dont react. Just watch the circus.