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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

50/50 custody but one of us a teacher - holiday care??

13 replies

Sunnyplanet · 04/07/2024 10:14

So, I self-represented in family court. It was traumatic. It was hell. It scarred me for life. He had a barrister and a solicitor. He earned 5 times a much as I do, so could afford it.

I’ve spent my life looking after the children, taken them to all their activities, play dates, looked after them every single school holiday. I loved doing it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The conclusion of the family court is that the children stay 50/50 with each. A week at a time at each parent. How the hell he does it with his high power job, is another story that I don’t know.

It’s now just over a year later. It was hell and we’ve adjusted.

My question is just, I don’t work school holidays. I have 13 weeks off a year. I’ve now started to look after other people’s children and dogs when they ask me.
It doesn’t feel right. I have 13 weeks off but I only look after our children for 6.5 weeks a year.
He looks after them for 6.5 weeks too. But what is happening, is that they need to keep themselves busy on screens whilst he is working. He has 5 weeks of annual leave.
The 14 year old is ok. Like any teenager, she likes to be in her room and be on screens all day long. That’s not good for her but I don’t think the courts care about it. The 8 year old is not alright. She is developmentally no older than 6. She has autism and a whole load of things. It’s not right that she is having to keep herself entertained whilst he is on calls all day look.

Would it be reasonable to go back and to ask that school holidays are split 8 for me and 5 for him? And term time weeks 50/50?

I know courts are very much in favour of 50/50 now.

OP posts:
LordSnot · 04/07/2024 10:16

What would your 14-year-old like to do? The court would put a high weight on her wishes at that age so if she's happy with the current setup, you won't get far.

italiancoffee · 04/07/2024 10:19

go back

but you won’t get anywhere at all

Alphyn · 04/07/2024 10:21

Would you/he consider an arrangement where you look after the younger one during the day and drop her off at 5/6pm? That would be a win-win solution all round.

italiancoffee · 04/07/2024 10:21

and you ex managed to get a court order preventing you access!!!

HazelWicker · 04/07/2024 10:24

Why bother with court to get an extra 1.5 weeks of holidays with them? I can't think that will make any difference.

Sunnyplanet · 04/07/2024 10:59

Italiancoffee - the situation about the car was not about me. I asked that question for a different family, not myself

OP posts:
italiancoffee · 04/07/2024 11:03

Sunnyplanet · 04/07/2024 10:59

Italiancoffee - the situation about the car was not about me. I asked that question for a different family, not myself

sure op

User364837 · 04/07/2024 11:04

Would he respond to you saying to him on some of the days that as you’re off work would he like you to take the kids out somewhere during the day then drop them back for dinner? So childcare while he’s working and then they still stay at his?
Even if you just take youngest out to the park to break the day up for them?

RedHelenB · 04/07/2024 11:08

italiancoffee · 04/07/2024 10:19

go back

but you won’t get anywhere at all

This. It may not ve your preference but there's no real need for the court to change what has already been decided.
Maybe you could use the opportunity to earn more money, look after kids for money whose parents have to work the school holidays.

Bringitonnowibeg · 07/07/2024 23:59

This is very sad to read. So you mean you have lots of time off and without your children who are mostly in there rooms amusing themselves when they would be better being looked after by you. Can you ask for some mediation ? Also has your youngest a social worker or any other professionals involved ? Maybe they could support you and make a case for more access based on this.

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 08/07/2024 00:13

Have you tried an amicable conversation? Perhaps he'd be happy for you to take them out for the day whilst he's working in the holidays?

Baffers100 · 15/07/2024 15:54

I'm in a similar situation, my eventual ex-husband teaches and my annual leave allowance nowhere near lets me spend summer holidays with the kids.

We are splitting custody 50/50, so their usual rota as to who gives them their evening meals and where they sleep will stay the same. During the day, on the days they are with their dad it will be up to their dad to make plans with them. On 'my' days, my ex and I have agreed that we will either put the children in to school clubs or send to their grandparents, or Dad will look after them. I can't properly parent and work from home- one area suffers. The ex isn't the second job/ do stuff/ have hobbies type and has said seeing as he will likely be sat at home he's happy to have the kids.

We will see how we get on...been talking about this for 2 years now and I still can't move out until he agrees to sell the house.

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