financial abuse

[Madz21]

help please, I wondered if there is anyone out there in similar position to me. I've worked, paid all childcare, all uni fees, all living expenses for 4 grown up children, paid all the mortgage, all the utilities, provisions, furniture everything while my husband chose to work part time, or not at all. He made no financial or parenting contributions. I've slept on the sofa for 18 years, waiting for my last son to complete his studies as he wouldn't have coped with a divorce, despite all my efforts, is it right that I should give up 50%of everything ? doesn't financial abuse and narcissistic behavior come into it? I received a settlement offer to sell the house, 50% of everything, including furniture and white goods. I advised my solicitor that the actual separation was 2013, it was 1998 really but i didn't pursue it because of my last child, an accidental pregnancy, (he is the father but advised me to terminate) I couldn't. Does a separation date and the fact that I paid everything have no bearing.

all assets will go in the pot for splitting

the % is not fixed but for a long marriage 50% will be the starting point and settlement likely to be near that

it does not ( necessarily) matter that he dud not financially contribute

you will have the opportunity to counter offer but be prepared for the reality that he’s likely to receive sizeable % of all assets inc pensions

When you say date of separation what do you mean and how if you separated did he financially abuse you? Those 2 things seem incompatible.

The financial settlement is based on need and on equalising you both post-divorce. It isn’t based on who decided to end the marriage or the reasons for it ending - so no, you deciding your ex must be a narcissist or ending things because he wouldn’t contribute won’t have any bearing on what he’s legally entitled to of the marital assets.

You say that you’ve been separated since 2013 but your other post suggests you’ve been living together, have a joint mortgage and own your home jointly, and have essentially lived as a household until recently. Do you have any evidence of having separated many years ago? Did you draw up a separation agreement at the time? Post-separation assets (including an existing asset such as a pension or property which has increased in value) can be distinguished from marital assets in some circumstances but without e.g. a separation agreement it’s ultimately going to be very difficult to prove that you’ve been separated rather than simply unhappily married.

With no minor children and therefore presumably similar needs, you’re likely to be looking at a roughly equal split of everything. It’s better to be able to negotiate between yourselves as much as possible rather than burn tens of thousands in legal fees.

He has continued to live in the house, without any contribution to anything not financially, physically or anything, just there, no verbal communication even for around 4 years. In 2013 I verbally told him that the marriage was over and that i would no longer be funding holidays cars or anything else. Which I haven't, it's been completely separate lives since. But I had to continue to pay the mortgage, repairs and utilities. Mortgage paid off now.

you are not separated ( legally)

my response on your other thread

he will be entitled to significant share regardless of no contributing

if not 50% what’s your counter offer ? 0% next nothing won’t fly and you’ll end up spending thousands on legal fees

You're married and have been a long time

It'll start at 50/50 split. That's the law and precedent.

OP you need to maybe get more realistic. Dramatic accusations aren’t going to get you anywhere. Indeed from what you describe you were the one with the financial power and you refused to give him any of it during the marriage when he had no income. Which is a definition of financial abuse.

If you didn’t like his work ethnic then you should have split up and gotten a divorce back in 1997.

The fact that you have been the primary financial provider and have paid for all major expenses, including the mortgage, childcare, and university fees, can be significant. Courts do consider the financial contributions of each party when making financial orders. However, the principle of "fairness" often means that assets are divided to meet the needs of both parties, regardless of who paid for what. The date of separation can have a bearing on the division of assets. If you have been living separate lives since 2013, this could be relevant. However, the court will look at the entire history of the marriage and the contributions made by both parties over the years.

Financial Abuse: While financial abuse and narcissistic behaviour are serious issues, they are not always directly considered in the division of assets unless they have had a significant impact on the financial situation or the welfare of the children. However, they can be relevant in other aspects, such as spousal maintenance or child arrangements.

Settlement Offer

1. 50% Division: The offer to divide everything 50/50, including the house, furniture, and white goods, is a common starting point in many divorce settlements. However, this is not set in stone. The court can make adjustments based on various factors, including financial contributions, needs, and the welfare of any children involved.

Legal Precedents and Acts

1. Matrimonial Causes Act 1973: This act governs the division of assets in divorce cases. Section 25 of the Act outlines the factors the court must consider, including the financial needs, obligations, and responsibilities of each party, the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage, and the contributions made by each party to the welfare of the family.

They are not separated. Op simply saying yo her husband they live separate lives is not separation. And cutting off his access to money he could argue that it’s op who was controlling