It's happening!

[yestoanother50]

It's been a long time coming but now there's a date for my X to move out. He has NO idea how excited I am about him going. I have just done a tour of the house and am constantly thinking about moving furniture, rearranging rooms in the best way so that I have invite friends to stay (my BF moved back to Paris 2 yrs ago and I would love to have room for her and her daughter to stay in the holidays) plus changes like where to put the giant telly (that he hates and has hidden in the office[ and make a comfy space, not in the living room, where I can curl up with the kids so we can watch films together. What else??

It's crazy actually. Now the end is in sight I realise just how compromised I have been in our relationship. Our split is officially amicable (no infidelity or anything like that, just the old "grown apart" thing[ but my god, there is so much that has pissed me off over the last umpteen years.

I am worried to death about the kids though. We will tell them when I get back from visiting family in the holidays. Then need to figure out how to split the time between us. That part gets easier right?

Love that you're able to look to the future and be positive, it's exciting. The kids part I am very jew to, it's so tricky and a constant worry. Hopefully as your split is amicable that will lead to successful Co parenting. Might be worth reading up on positive Co parenting advice and writing your plan down so you both have a copy to refer to to minimise any concerns. The cafcass website have a really good parenting plan template.

I’m at the same point as you and feel positive about the future.I’m looking forward to being back in the house so I can have it the way I would like but, like you, I am also concerned about arrangements for the children. I’m trying not to sort out all the arrangements for him as I always have done and unsurprisingly, he’s not come up with many offers to have them but I know he will want to see them. They’re my life outside of work and I spend all my free time with them while he faffs about doing his own thing so I am reluctant to give up our quality time together now but I know I will have to adjust and it will become a new normal, it’s so hard though.

A parenting plan sounds like a good idea @BookArt, thanks.

We still haven't told the children @FlyingontheGround and I'm away visiting family for the next week. I'm still dreading it! One the one hand I'm very much looking forward to him having to do his share of the parenting & "wife work" but the price for me and the kids is that we only get each other part time. It seems really unfair on them. He said the other day that he's looking forward to having to learn to cook when he moves out! To which I said, I've never stopped you doing that here! Dick. So it's amicable but I am fuming about many things under the surface. The more I think about things I haven't done whilst with him the more that rage builds!!! I hope I can keep a lid on my fury until the big day. Then I'm going to need a therapist!

What changes are you planning to make at home?

Mainly getting all of his rubbish and clutter out, then lots changes to decor to make it more minimal and easier to look after.

He’s undermined me to the point where I have no idea of my own style any more but I know I don’t like his!

I’ve bought a few bits already but it’s a distraction from the key issue which is getting him to leave.

Hopefully as your split is amicable that will lead to successful Co parenting.

Hmm, I've just got back from 10 days visiting family and I'm starting to have my doubts about this tbh. Not the separation: coming back to a dirty, messy house that he's had 10 days to straighten out as he's not working, has just made me more impatient for this, to the extent that I'm having to hold back from just chucking him out now! Seriously. He also stripped the kids beds but didn't remake them and when DS pointed out that he'd put his cover on DD's bed, STBX stropped off and said he was tired and going to bed. That's the kind of thing that's freaking me out. If he does that when the kids are with him they won't want to go there and he will most likely make out that's my fault when it's more likely because he's a lazy uncaring arse!

In other news, having just spent 10 days staying with my parents I can see exactly why I ended up with him. Let's just say it's no coincidence that he got on like a house on fire with my mum before she voted for Brexit! I can't wait to be able to afford much-needed therapy for myself. I just need to keep thinking positive until mid August. Coming "home" today was something of a shock. I need him gone.

I’ve bought a few bits already but it’s a distraction from the key issue which is getting him to leave.

I realised when setting off to visit family that it was two years almost to the day since I last visited them and had in my mind that our relationship was over: I didn't miss him at all then I got back and he asked me what was for dinner - I'd been out of the country for 10 days and it was 3 in the afternoon! - and I think that was the beginning of the end. Roll forward two years and I'm also starting to worry that he will find an excuse to not go. Does your ex have somewhere to go @FlyingontheGround ?

I am in the waiting game too @yestoanother50 not at all amicable here thanks to his serial cheating but we have been living together for 29 years! I realised I have not lived alone for any of my adult life. I cannot flipping wait. I have a Pinterest board of loveliness and I am going to chuck out everything his filthy arse has touched 😁Hopefully just days to go now.....

Oh, a Pinterest board is such a good idea! A serial cheater sounds like one you'll be well rid of. I hope it goes smoothly x