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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Worried ex is now manipulating eldest child..

2 replies

Emsy999 · 29/06/2024 22:20

Very worried that my ex has started to manipulate our eldest child - who is 6.

A brief explanation...

Having separated from my husband 2 years ago I have suffered all sorts of abuse from him - emotional abuse, financial abuse, coercive control and it's ongoing. He's currently refusing to pay the mortgage in the home we jointly own (but he resides in alone) to punish me for applying for child maintenance for our two children.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short I think he is now manipulating and controlling our eldest daughter. I can deal with him doing it to me (even though I'm extremely depressed and don't know which way to turn) but my daughter is now showing signs and saying things completely out of character and words that she just wouldn't use.

We are due a CAFCASS section 7 report because I have documented the abuse and I think they will speak to our eldest daughter. Will CAFCASS be able to recognise manipulation of the child? She says things that a 6 year old just wouldn't say and is also saying she wants to reside with him more (even though she's been reduced to tears previously at the suggestion of this). She's literally changed so much and I'm seriously worried that he's trying to manipulate her before CAFCASS do their report.

Does anyone have any advice please? I'm under a solicitor but I'm trying to keep communication down as I just can't afford to keep paying the extortionate fees she charges.

I'm so worried. As I said I can deal with him doing it to me but the thought of him now doing it to our children absolutely breaks my heart.

OP posts:
needahugbug · 03/07/2024 20:52

Im afraid I can’t offer much advice but i am in exactly the same situation as you and its just totally heart breaking and unfair. Do you have a date for a court hearing

Emsy999 · 03/07/2024 23:18

needahugbug · 03/07/2024 20:52

Im afraid I can’t offer much advice but i am in exactly the same situation as you and its just totally heart breaking and unfair. Do you have a date for a court hearing

Thank you @needahugbug

It is truly heartbreaking. This is a 6 year old. He will do anything to get his way and punish me for leaving and i'm scared that the court/CAFCASS won't see it.

We have another dispute resolution hearing in September. We currently have 60/40 custody in place with the children spending 60% with me but he is going for 50/50 because "that's what he's entitled to" he says. Having put so much pressure on me to withdraw my child maintenance claim, now refusing to pay the mortgage and the awful coercive control that's been going on, I can not understand how he thinks we can successfully co-parent. We have a 2 year old also and I just can't see how his custody schedule will work.

I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation.
Do you have a hearing date?

OP posts:
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