Separating finances

[finallyaskedfordivorce]

Hi, 3 weeks into separation from dh now. Hes living with his parents and I'm in the family home with 4 kids (3 are his, 1 (eldest) is mine from previous relationship)

All our finances are joint. All salaries and bills go in and out of 1 acccount.

Am I allowed to take my salary and all the household direct debits/bills over to an account of my own and leave him to fend for himself on his own salary?

For context - I'm the higher earner (bout £60k), his basic salary about £28k altho with overtime and shift allowances he usually ends up with a lot more (think it was nearish £50k last tax year).

He's decided to stay at his parents longer term until he gets his share of the house equity and can buy something else. We've continued operating with the joint account in the meantime.

Since the separation he has signed up for one of the most expensive gym memberships in Scotland (£147 a month) for his "mental health" and has justified it on the basis that he's "saving" us a £1k a month by not renting privately during the separation.

He has also cut all overtime from his schedule so his salary will go down (compared to what we're used to).

In the past I've always handled the online banking and stuff but have since set him up with it so he can have better visibility of the finances. But I'm now concerned that he'll be poring over every transaction and nitpicking (despite him being the one signing up for a really expensive gym membership while I'm cancelling kids activities and sky tv to try and save some money 🙄)

I just feel that at the minute I'm subsidising him and while that continues there is no incentive for him to increase his earnings or cut back his spending. But not sure if I'm legally obliged to continue supporting him at this point? Any advice welcome, TIA

As part of the separation, you need your own bank accounts.
The bills of the house are yours.
His bills are his.
I would get the joint account closed to ensure no overdraft can be used.
Who is paying the mortgage? Joint or just you? In theory, this is your cost as you are living there.
You don't need to subside him. He is housed and has his own income.
Have you agreed CM?

No we haven't agreed CM yet. Tbh I'm happy to waive that right now in exchange for just paying the mortgage as is. I'm conscious that Once we sort out the house my mortgage will go up but child maintenance will largely cover the increase so its swing and roundabouts. I'd rather be used that money right now to plan for the future.

Your finances should be separate and neither of you need to comment or nitpick what disposable income is spent on. Ironically it is what you are doing to him.

If he’s not living in the family home he may not want to contribute to the mortgage. Do you expect that in lieu of CMS? He might have his own opinions.

No, I'm quite happy to pay all the bills out of my salary and let him do what he wants with his own finances.

My only gripe with his spending is that he's currently spending out of MY disposable income, not his own. He would never have signed up for that gym membership based on his own salary alone!

You need to close all joint accounts so that your name is not on any facility which you can be held liable for.

Speak to your bank about doing this.

And of course you can stop your salary being paid into it immediately.

Ir sounds sensible to arrange for your salary to go into an account in your name only and for all the direct debits etc to go from your own account too. Doubt you will be able to close a joint account on your own, usually has to be done by both parties. He will probably be awkward about that. You should be able to freeze the joint account in the meantime.

It's important you tell your bank you are now separated, which is why you want to close the joint account.

As previous poster said, he might get difficult about closing it, in which case freeze it. Tell them that you will not be held liable for any expenditure he makes and that you are expecting them to safeguard your money.

Thanks all. I've spoken to a lawyer friend as well now who said the same as you all. I absolutely can and should start to separate out the finances.

I was doubting myself because stbexh was telling me that until we're officially divorced I'm obliged to continue supporting him financially but I can see now that that's just him trying to control the situation for his own gain.