Child doesn’t want to see dad

[FlyingontheGround]

DH and I have recently separated, I left with the kids just over a week ago because he shouted at us once too often. He’s due to see the kids today for the first time since we separated but our eldest (8) doesn’t want to see him because he doesn’t want to get shouted at. I know H would never hurt the kids physically but he does shout at them too much and has done more than he should have throughout or marriage particularly the eldest which is a big part of the reason I left. Should I be encouraging my DS to see him when he doesn’t want to?

I think you should encourage him to see him, but not force him.
Is there anywhere dad can take him where he’s less likely to shout? Would DS prefer to go out with dad rather than going to his house?
And more importantly, so you feel able to address the shouting with dad?

DS is such a lovely, sensitive boy I’m worried he won’t see him because he thinks it will upset me. Hrs barely left my side since we left.

I think you should let your son decide and respect his decision while also letting him know that his dad will always be happy to see him if and when he is ready. Let him know that he is in no way responsible for the break and then support his decisions. I don't think you should be trying to persuade him to go if he doesn't want to. It's a hard time for kids and he needs to feel fully safe with and supported by one parent.

If this is your concern then yes you need to encourage him. You need to make sure he knows he is going to have a lovely time and you look forward to seeing him when he gets back. If you think he is feeding off your feelings you need to change it for him.

Thanks everyone, accidentally posted before. He’s supposed to be seeing them at 11 but hasn’t even been in touch about arrangements so I’m not even sure it’s happening now.