Split of furniture etc

[LoisLanyard]

I’m still going through the divorce proceedings but the current plan is for me to stay in the family home, share custody of the kids and exH will get his own house or flat. Maybe as a way of just focusing on practicalities than feeling emotions all the time I was wondering how people split furtniture etc? Did your ex take half of everything when he left or did you do something else? How do you decide who gets a sofa and the frying pan etc etc? It all seems so time consuming and I’d rather he just moved out and took a few things that were important to him, otherwise I can see it taking months and months for him to leave. We’ve lived together for 20 years so it is an awful lot of stuff to potentially go through.

I read this somewhere and it seemed a fair option for us.
Made a list of everything in the house. Approximate value to replace it new.
Approximate value of what it's worth now - I based on % terms eg was bought recently 100% or 75%, few years old 50%, older 25% and totally knackered 0%!

We went through separately to say what we wanted.

Then compared the value of what we were keeping and paid the difference ie I kept all the bedroom furniture and white goods, he took most of the tech. I paid him £2k as the difference between the value of his stuff and the value of my stuff.

He did moan afterwards that he thought I was going to pay for him to buy new furniture and I had to point out was he going to pay for me to buy a new TV and laptop?

It was also 22 years of joint stuff, so a very long list. I went through room by room (admittedly got fed up by the time I reached the garage which was not at all tidy, and just told him to take whatever he wanted as most of it was his crap anyway).

@LoisLanyard I'm sorry you're going through this too. I'm also interested to hear how this works in practice. I've been worrying. 25 years here.

I don't actually care what he takes. He can take anything he wants even my bed as long a she is out me and my daughter will sleep on the floor we even will scrape the walls to get rid of his scent

I took things that were mine pre marriage, things I'd been given, stuff that I'd inherited as well as a few things that were 'more mine than his', ie bought jointly but I'd particularly wanted/loved/used it. Other than that, I took things we had duplicates of, eg the spare room furniture, kitchen stuff. The rest I left in the house and I'm very glad I did. I didn't want the millstone of physical memories and I would have preferred to live with nothing than beg him for a cup.

I made a list of everything room by room then we sat down together and decided on what we both wanted in a "must have" way, everything else depends on if our future property needs/has room for it, eg he wants to rent but hasn't decided on full or part furnished so has no idea if he needs a washer or fridge but he wants "his" armchair, a certain bed, wardrobe, drawers etc. I'm buying but have no idea if the room shapes will accommodate the sofa or the (multiple) bookshelves 😬

So we have a form of keep, donate, tip except it's his/mine, possible keep depending on future property and no way/skip. None of our furniture was expensive though, even the TV was second-hand.

EDIT - have to agree with the others, I wasn't going to fight him for anything and was quite prepared to go to charity shops etc so I was pleasantly surprised to find neither of us wanted the same things.

I’ve been wondering this too, it seems such a time consuming process. I don’t know where to begin.

Everyone's situation will be different. I said to ex that I wanted to keep the sofas and bed frame as it had taken a long time to find what I wanted.

He didn't actually take that much as he was moving to a small flat, but I gave him new curtains I had put away, enough utensils and crockery, the TV and stand etc and obvs all the stuff that was specifically his including his computer. I was generous in the valuation of the house, his car was new and much higher value so we've been able to be mostly amicable about it.

At the end of the day, I've always been the higher earner and more interested in the house so it's furnished in my taste and by my efforts so I don't feel guilty about having more. He's also taken what he wants from his own stuff and left me to deal with the shit he doesn't want.

Plus both young adult DSs are being housed by me, one (or both) may struggle to ever live independently and will continue to need to be financially supported by me. It's going to be tight, he earns less but will have more disposable income than I will going forward.

Mine took nothing. Easier for one of you to go out and start again. But then he was never that bothered about furniture or saucepans and it would be me finding things I thought would be nice and him saying yeah OK. So he wasn't that attached to anything.

Thanks everyone, this is super helpful. I am sure that I will be left with all the crap we’ve accumulated over the years but I’d rather that than go through it together as it would be emotional and it will take a very long time.
making a list of what is in each room and then agreeing who has what from that list sounds like a very sensible approach.

Then let him have " that crap " as surely you won't want it either .
Or both see it as an opportunity to get rid and dump / charity shop it .

Also wondering this...pretty much everything in the house is mine, or I bought it. He's staying in the house, but I sure as hell don't want to leave everything here and struggle on my own. I don't expect to pick the place clean either but I want what's mine- my priority is making sure I have what I need to furnish my home to a good standard and provide for my children. He's a grown adult and can sort his own act out.

I went away for a week, and let him take anything he wanted. I wasn't going to fight over stuff. He didn't take that much, only a couple of things that I would have wanted anyway.