When he moves out (eventually)

[yawnanotherone]

I've been thinking about this and wanted some honest answers about whether I am being unreasonable or actually quite bloody restrained (guess which I think!).

STBX is still living here, and in one piece, despite revelations of affairs over our 20 year marriage (2 teenage DCs). I have kept a lid on my fury for three months through GCSEs but now we are telling DC this weekend that we are getting divorced.

There are complications in that he is unemployed currently and pleading poverty. I want him out asap. We agreed that I would stay here with the children until youngest finishes GCSEs in 2 years.

He thinks he can move into a sublet temporary place and leave all his stuff here, come back to see the children, collect his mail etc. But I want him gone completely. He has hurt me enormously and I need to rebuild something out of this.

I know legally it is still his house too, but is it unreasonable of me to tell him to clear everything out and into storage, or into the garden shed to give me a fresh start? I can't face seeing his stuff lying around for months/years until we can have a clean break. And I also don't want him to have a key and to come back here. I just want my own space......

If he owns the house he’s entitled to a key, and to enter whenever he wants.

Can you remortgage and buy him out of the house? Then he could buy a flat? (and won’t be entitled to a key)

The only way you could come close to that is with an occupation order. But given he is unemployed he isn’t going to find a rental through conventional means. The sublet might the only option but he won’t be able to move his stuff in. It doesn’t sound like he can afford storage. This might be a case of pick your poison not matter how unfair you think that is. He owns half the house so has a right to stay or store his stuff.

Realistically you need to plough ahead with the divorce and financial settlement to get what you want, a clean break.

You need to buy him out or sell. He’s been awful in what he’s done but that’s irrelevant with regards to the house.

Have you started talking about the financial settlement yet?

Depending on what else is taken into consideration - pensions, savings etc. and you being the resident parent, you may get more than 50% of the house and be able to buy him out

If not, you will have to sell it, split the proceeds and buy something smaller

What ages are you? (How far off claiming pensions) and how equal are your earnings?

We will start to talk about it over the next couple of mediation sessions. both early 50s, I am self employed so he was the higher earner by more than double in his last job. not sure he'll get that in a next job though.

I could manage the mortgage payments but not sure I would pass affordability based on earnings - and couldn't buy him out.

I see what you are saying @LemonTT I should take the fact that he is moving out as the outcome I need and not get hung up on the other stuff. I am just desperate to move on for my sanity.

If he's a high earner, you might be able to negotiate you keeping the house and he keeps his pension?

Make sure you have all the details of every bank account, savings, shares, property, pensions etc. Do you have access to that?