Husband unhappy - leaving me and 2 children under 3

[Bex1601]

Hi, just after opinions really. Husband said last week he’s unhappy, wants to leave. Says he has been unhappy a while (first he said for 5 months, then a year then since before our 7 month old was conceived) but this is the first time he’s said anything!!!
i know things haven’t been great, I’ve felt unhappy myself, lost myself after .w baby’s. The more I think the more distant I realise he became, totallly checked out! Barely spending time with kids, avoiding my family, never asking about me, throwing himself into getting fit. He started a new job in January as well. Several of the work nights out raised suspicions (late home, his mam having to pick him up and dropped “Lisa” off at home as well, walking 20 miles back from a night out after missing the bus, not messaging all night (not even being on wats app to even ask about kids) apart from during the 20mmile walk home I get a one word message saying “Lisa”.
he continues to deny affair. Please tell me I’m not bonkers for being 99% certain that he is having an affair (with Lisa I expect)
I’ve read about the script this week and am fairly sure I’m getting it. Thoughts please???

It does sound incredibly likely he is having an affair, sorry.

It does sound like it but in some ways does it matter? If he wants to leave then the focus needs to be on what next for you, the children, assets and so on.

so he’s not happy. What is he proposing to do ( not saying you have to agree with it - but where is he going, when, what support will he provide financially, who will pay bills, what child access is he suggesting etc

with 2 very young children he can’t expect to just swan off with no responsibilities

Do you work? Is there nursery fees ? Or childcare. Do you own or rent? How will that be paid etc

he needs to face up to this

Sounds like the script but like an early one as you usually expect this crap when kids are just tweens …

He’s been really upfront about how he won’t be leaving us struggling financially etc - I work full time (when I’m not on maternity) but for the nhs so the shifts obvs make it impossible to manage the children and work without help (which he also says he’s more than happy to still do). He’s never planned or taken responsibility for much through our marriage so I don’t see why he thinks I would be able to rely on his word now to be fair!!!
he continues to deny affair and as you say it doesn’t really matter, just thought moving forward we’re better to have it all out now if we stand a chance of being amicable.

Well it certainly sounds like he is having an affair and not being very subtle about hiding it, even if he isn't admitting it.
It also really sounds OP as though you will be better off without him.

Lisa can have him.
But if he’s currently feeling guilty, now is the time to lock in his financial and time commitments, before Lisa gets pregnant and he conveniently forgets about you.

Trust your instincts OP, it does sound very much like he's been having an affair. Get legal advice ASAP and get your financial situation sorted out first and foremost. So sorry you've been left in this position. It's very hard but you will be ok - gather your friends and family for support and look after yourself lovely 💐

This.

Who gives up their family after 5 months of being vaguely unhappy? I've had sore throats longer than that. There must be something else he's running towards.

He's a twat and a loser and a pathetic example of a man who can't hack when life gets a tiny bit challenging

Get yourself a lawyer consultation. Move on, you and your children will have a peaceful, nice life. Get rid.

Definitely this. Strike while he’s being vaguely reasonable about money

Sounds like my situation, sounds like he has already checked out and is having an affair. I too have two small children. Does marriage and vows mean nothing to these men who get bored of responsibility and jealous of their wife being a mum! It will only get worse I’m afraid to say, mine said he would support us and be there… he has lost everything and is currently on universal credit at his parents house. The girl has moved on to someone else 🤣 Stay strong, if you ever want to chat my inbox is open x

Thank you everyone for the reply’s! All things I’ve thought myself, will see someone for advice and about money sooner rather than later! I think it helps that due to the above mentioned behaviour I’d already given up on parts of our marriage a bit ago too but also I’d never had left my children not knowing where they’d live or how they’d manage just as I felt a bit shitty!!! Life is hard sometimes!!! I think he’s worried how people will think knowing he left 2 so little!!!!
hope everyone is doing ok themselves

I've been where you are OP. I wouldn't worry too much about the affair for now. It will come out in the wash eventually. But by the time you have it confirmed you won't care anyway.

My advice is stop worrying about him and Lisa and focus on what you need. Tell him what he needs to pay towards the kids and what he needs to be doing childcare wise. Then work out for yourself what you need to fill those gaps. Tell everyone in your life about him leaving. His guilt is his own to carry. You need the help and support of others and that is more important.

Don't do the pick me dance. Don't fall into the trap of being nice. Focus on what is best for you and the kids.

@Bex1601 Im afraid too many men are selfish and they “want” a family but don’t then want any disruption to their lives.There are men who don’t engage with children or really like them that much. More of an achievement as opposed to unconditional love. It’s all about them and not their family. Of course he will be concerned about what others think of him. I’ve a DH like that. He’s not bothered about how his family feel, it’s how he’s perceived that will give pause for thought. Hence my DH is still here but I have to say I didn’t relish life on my own with dc. Would he agree to counselling?

Thank you! the more I think about things the more I think this plays are part! That he doesn’t particularly enjoy family life as well as our marriage problems. Wants the dip in and out type thing!!! Which is sad really, coz of course it’s hard but the kids are amazing!!!

Just an update…… it was the script 😂😂 lots of denial from him followed by a phone call from his friend this morning to tell me he’d just found out when she met him on the boys night out. Lovely. Still a shitty making no sense story, only said they liked each other 3 weeks ago, haven’t slept together but maybe love each other - get a grip!!!! I don’t know who this person is but I’m ready to move on!!!!

Sorry to hear this :( I think your H is drip feeding people now and that it’s prob been going on more than 3 weeks! Men usually see what the ow bed is like before they leave. Well at least you know and you seem quite relieved by it. Don’t trust his words. Get a solicitor to ensure you get everything due to you financially.