How to split finances when one won't agree

[Newbegg]

Folks, Need some advice, I'm stuck. Basically married 13 years and separated few months. Home is solely on my name, which means nothing as OH paid half of everything. Next step is me with offering half equity on the house, which I'll take out on a loan, to gift OH with. OH won't agree to anything financially ATM just giving me grief when I suggested the above.

I had spoke with a solicitor who said I could pay for an order for me & OH, grand total of £3k+. Plus OH still needs to get it signed by another Solicitor, which I don't think will happen. I just don't have that sort of money. What way can I navigate this, without costing thousands and having no agreement with OH. I'm stuck on my next steps.

Has anyone had a similar experience. Can I do anything official i.e. online without solicitors, which will be legally binding. I'm not hopeful but you never know. I'm UK based. Thanks for reading folks.

Sorry to hear about your situation my brother was in a similar experience he wasted months and months and thousands of pounds in sending letters back and forwards between solicitors.

In the end he filled in Form A which is a form to let the courts decide how to divide the assets. He sent this as a threat to his ex wife and it worked...she agreed to finally settle before going to court although he still lost out it was the best outcome for him.

You can try work things out between you, or go to mediation or go to a private final dispute resolution hearing. You could also try an online service to get a consent order drawn up which will be a lot cheaper but only will work if you both agree

Please be aware though if you have to go to court your looking at potentially a lot of time (estimated court date 12 weeks after filing) and potentially thousands of pounds in costs as you will need a barrister, solicitor (if you don't want to represent yourself) and may need to update your Form E.

Next step is me with offering half equity on the house, which I'll take out on a loan, to gift OH with it wouldn't be a gift, it would be his share....I'm pointing it out incase something like that has got his back up.

You could do your legal research online and basically present it to him about and say you can either agree to this or pay thousands to let it go to court. Not a threat but just explain to him what would happen.

You could get some free legal advice from Citizens Advice Bereau.

Is the house the only marital asset ?
What about savings/ investments/ pensions etc ?
Maybe he’s holding out for maintenance ( he won’t get that ) or more money ?
Its usually 50/50 division of assets

Maybe speak to another solicitor. Find one which gives free 30 min consultation.

Do you think your dh is doing this to stop you divorcing him or does he want more than half the house so won’t agree ?

My ex h refused to cooperate with me. It was the lawyers letter he got that kick started the process and although he tried being an arse with them it didn’t last long.
He got 50% and I remortgaged to pay him off.

Is he proposing a different financial split? Or just not communicating/being unpleasant?

Do you have children? Other assets like savings, pensions etc?

@TigerWhiskers we haven't even got that far to agree figures and I'm only calling it a gift, as that's what the mortgage advisor called it. I get a personal loan which is gifted out. Thank you, I forgot about citizens advice.

He’s right to reject this offer and you are daft to propose it. You are going to have to work through the various stages of a divorce to get an agreement you are both happy with. The more high handed you are the more likely he will dig in.

You need to sit down and decide

1. what your total marital assets are
2. what you both need to move on
3. what you are entitled from the asset pool.

it sound like you have gotten way ahead of yourself and he’s rightly suspicious. That could mean you need far more legal input than you would otherwise if you were more conciliatory and willing to negotiate.

Agree with lemontt

hes right to refuse
tiu need to go through proper assessment of all your marital assets as well as incomes and needs.
You can try to negotiate and agree between you but only if and when both parties know the above

@Imambaldithanks for your reply. Very little savings, I have a current work pension and two teens at home. I'm just going by what I was advised i.e. half equity on the house. Just a mind field.

@LemonTT thank you. It's hard to negotiate when the conversation just gets shut down everytime. Slightly naive on my behalf to think we could talk it over, agree on something then get legal advice.

@millymollymoomoo thank you. I agree, sounds like a good idea. I have suggested meaning to discuss but nothing up to now.

I believe you can use an independent mediator to help sort finances. Google divorce mediation and there’s a website called mediate uk which I think is a list of independent ones.

They charge about £100/hr which is considerably less than a solicitor, and they work with both of you.

you can do this at the same time as using a solicitor or not. Wikivorce is also good for info.