Hi all, I know how this is going to make me sound. There's a reason I'm not saying it in real life 😂
My ExH (abusive- controlling, continues to make our lives hellish by restricting/ not paying cm/ controlling our activities by dropping the kids back early/ changing times and dates last minute/ vetoing plans for me and the kids to go on holiday etc etc boring boring long list of horrors) has told the children about a 'special friend' (so fucking creepy to say it like that, no?!) a couple of months ago, just in time to reveal he was going away with them for his big birthday rather than spending it with the kids (backstory- he's made me travel fucking miles because the court doc says he has birthday access with them so for years they have done something fecking boring with him, wherever he happens to be 'because it's my right for them to be with me on my birthday')
Anyhow, he's now been on 4 holidays since Jan, send them pics of fun weekends away/ parties/ dinners. He and his gf seem to go to every event you read about in the papers 😂
Plus side: as predicted we now have a little more breathing space because he is a classic love bomber and doesn't have time to fake being a nice person to her and berate us for not complying with him...
Down side; I feel something like jealousy and I wasn't expecting it. Not of their relationship because he'll only be able to keep the mask on for a certain time. Not of 'fancying' him because he might be in trim but fuck his personality means even his own family can't bear to be around him. But something??? I think I'm jealous that he can do his hobbies/ sport/ buy nice stuff/ go on holiday/ have parties- and I'm bumbling around trying to make sure there's enough for food in the last week of the month. I hate feeling this but I do. It plays strongly into the narrative of his that I'm fat/ lazy/ a terrible mother but I just don't think he has a clue about raising 3 kids on no money and working full time. His girlfriend has kids but presumably an ex who has them more than mine- he would NEVER ever have them in order for me to get away for a holiday. The one time he thought I was dating someone (I wasn't, I wouldn't inflict myself on anyone tbh, it was an old school friend) he dropped the kids back in the middle of my day out with him and they had to wait in the garden for me to get back as soon as I could.
Why the fuck does he still get to control my mind and push me further into the ground?
Why can't I just feel pleased he has someone else to bully/ feel sorry for this woman for letting him in?