When does it feel better, hope needed

[Mirandaesque]

So this was me November 22

50+ I can't get to a decision www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4684224-50-i-cant-get-to-a-decision

I made the decision and separated june 23. It didn't go how I expected as in his behaviour following was unexpected and broke me for a while.

But a year on and as of a week, I'm in a new home with my young adult kids.
But I've hit a low

All my Focus has been on selling and sorting and packing and buying and getting settled. I'm really not sure what to focus on next.

How have I come so far but suddenly feel so lost and scared of the future.

I love my job , my friends, I get out but I'm feeling so anxious for the future and it's scary

Give me hope it gets better . .

We split in Nov 22, things had been progressively awful and then I found out he had been sleeping around throughout that year. I will say I felt relief when I found the evidence of cheating.

He was blindsided that I threw him out (why, I have no idea!). The divorce was finalized last month.

I do understand the fear for the future, I feel that too in a way, but taking control has helped. Actively planning for retirement, actively trying to increase my earnings, actively working on my friendships.

Have you been living separately since last June or were you both still living in the marital home? Is it maybe the shock of living somewhere new that's hit you? It's a huge deal and it's very early days still, so completely natural for you to feel scared.

We tried nesting but it didn't work so he moved out in the September.
I know I need give myself a break , just don't feel in control and i hate that

I understand how you feel, i'm early fifties. I finally divorced last year (similar reasons to you) and i have been wrapped up in renovating my new house which is finally coming to an end and an very fortunate to have a lovely house to live in with my son (50% with his dad) who is going to Uni in September. I have a full social life, lots of friends, supportive family, casual boyfriend to go on dates, holiday with etc, and life is good. The other day I felt like.. what next? I was married for a long time and always felt stifled and bullied into doing what he wanted or get the silent treatment so I am now in a position to do what I want, when I want. The other morning I woke up really early and decided to watch the last episode of Bridgeton id been saving up before work... I had this overwhelming sense of excitement and then flashbacks to a time when anything I wanted to watch was constantly interrupted, asked to pause to ask a benign question, asked why I was watching 'this shit' and how much longer is left of this? so he could watch have I got news for you repeats for the 100th time (I know all the lies and truths going back 10 years lol!) . Whilst not alone grounds for divorce, the moral of this story is, reflect back now and again on the reasons for ending a relationship and embrace being able to find that peace within yourself. I have manifested my peaceful and fulfilling chapter in my life for so long and I am determined to make that grass greener.. even the small things to make me smile. :-) I hope you do too wishing you hugs and support for the 50 somethings out there! only another 50 to go! 😍

I split with my ex last year. Actually, a year ago next week! From my own perspective, my focus this last year has just been surviving/getting through life alone. It was sorting out the financial side of things. Then logistics with the kids, moving his stuff out of the house and redecorating the house to how I wanted it. Then it was getting through birthdays, Christmas and holidays alone.

Now that I'm at the one year mark, I'm kind of standing back and recognising that I have managed (well actually I have thrived more than managed!) alone. So now I am looking to the future and wondering what the hell I want to do with my life!

I have a two year plan. I want to change careers but for a number of reasons (finances, retraining, childcare etc). It will take me two years. So I have made a plan of the things I would like to do/achieve in the next two years before I make the leap. Some are as small as read a book every month. Others are big like losing the weight I've put on.

I totally emphasise OP. But this is the time to start focusing on yourself and what you want from life now.

Hey, you seem so together. But the what next is so hard.
I have seen someone briefly, but he just wasnt ready, I was - I'd emotionally detached from my marriage 5 years ago.
I'm scared of being lonely, when everyone around me are doing couply things 😞
I know it sounds pathetic. I'm busy. I just miss the closeness and now I've had a taste of it, I feel worse.

I can relate completely. I've been separated for nearly 3 years and whilst I feel so much better to be out of a crap marriage, I find myself missing my old life and feel extremely regretful. I do still love my ex but seems so much time has passed on now that. Life feels calmer but extremely lonely. I don't have any answers, I doubt I will ever be in a relationship ever again. Some days (OK most days) I wonder what the hell I've done and wish for my marriage back. I have 1 DC who was a toddler when we separated. He is now primary aged and I don't even know where the time went. I have a handful of friends but not a strong support network. It's very hard. I've started a new job recently and still find it very hard to openly say I'm separated.

I went through a phase of feeling lonely but I'm actively remaining single for now. I was in danger of pursuing another bad relationship just to not be alone. I was also a bit of a bitch with online dating.

I am just focusing on myself now. It's not always easy and there are times I miss having someone there. But I want the right person, not just any person.