Is his counter offer reasonable?

[FrankTurnersCat]

After a long time waiting, I told H I wanted a divorce this morning (waited for DD to finish GCSE'S). Reasons - gaslighting narc who leans toward rascism & homophobia.

I saw a solicitor in April who confirmed my thought of me keeping the house & him keeping his pensions (equity in house = pension value) was valid & the quickest, cheapest route.

He's refused this as it leaves him with nothing immediately. He's 55 in Oct '25 so can access pensions then.
His counter offer is I buy him out AND he keeps his pension... somehow I feel that this is somehow wrong? He then very generously said hed sign a clean break so wouldnt come after the inheritance i'd be due from my mum / step dad (mum died 2 years ago)

I'd have to get my stepdad to "gift" me the money from my future inheritance for a start as I oddly don't have £100k lying around.
I will be calling the solicitor for an appointment on Monday but I just wondered what MN thought.

Am I going mad? Whilst tempted to agree just to get him gone, it just feels very very wrong.

I think 50/50 now is the only fair thing, if you think about it he could die next year and never see a penny of his pension so he'd have nothing although I suppose if he's dead it might not matter.

What does he earn? If similar to you, I would write to him with this offer:

1. 50:50 on house (and any other assets)
2. pensions expert to be instructed to report on what share of his pension you should have to equalise pensions on divorce.
3. Clean break

The reason why this should be in writing is so that you can refer back to it if necessary during court proceedings. If he refuses to be reasonable and this ends up in court, he could become liable to pay your costs if you can show that you’ve made a reasonable offer.

If your step dad helps you to buy out your ex, make sure this is considered a loan and write up a proper loan agreement.

If you haven’t inherited the money, it isn’t in the joint pot.
if his pension is the equivalent to the equity in the house, then his suggestion is unfair and you are back to the drawing board. What if he had enough equity to get him started (can you give him anything?) then paid this back to you when he can release pension funds or you share a proportion of his pension? Assuming theses are the only two assets and they are equal? I wouldn’t go with it unless you are arguing over a few thousand and it’s not worth it.

As he’s older, and you are higher earner he’s likely to be in a position to ask for higher than z50% on the basis he can’t a mortgage ;’f for long) and won’t have sane time as you to build a pension up

you have 20 years vs his 9
he will absolutely need cash now

Any inheritances / possible inheritances not actually received won’t form part of the equation

@millymollymoomoo Op earns 35k so not a higher earner.

I meant the higher earner out of her and her husband- not that she is a higher earner

she earns more. Can get a longer term mortgage and has 20 more years to build up pension.

im not saying his propose fair as it doesn’t sound it, but neither is leaving him no cash assets at his age

Thank you everyone. I absolutely agree that neither offer is fair. I have said I will get legal advice and requested he do the same. Might put this in legal too to see if I can garner more opinion