Should I get a lawyer and how to get free support? Family law advice for childcare order

[o1ivia]

I have been told the following below and am not sure what to do. I am based in North London. Would appreciate any help or advice.

1. I should hire a solicitor, but I cannot afford one, and do not qualify for legal aid.

1. to try to find a direct barrister but I can afford one for 3 days,

1. that if I pay for a solicitor instead of a barrister then they can instruct the QLR, and may even be able to find me a pro bono barrister and this would be a cheaper option than looking for barrister

1. to get a proffesional mackenzie friend to guide me as a cheaper alternative to solicitor and barrister as some may even be able to help me with my paperwork.

See context below:
I am in a childcare order court case from a covert domestic abuse relationship of our two adolescent children less than 16 years

There was drug use, and sexual abuse of me and other women. The police had acknowleged that the relationship was toxic and told me to distance myself but said domestic abuse and coercive control was unfounded, as was sexual abuse and rape. He has presented a negative drug test result showing he has been clean for the drug tested in last 3 months.
The children are with me full time and he wants them for half. He initially had 50%, but due to drug risks and sexual abuse claims I took over full custody.
He is claiming parental alienation and that I am unsafe. I had supported contact at a contact centre but the children refused to attend.

My ex is the applicant with a legal team whilst I am the respondant and self-litigating. We are about to go into a pre-trial and 3 day hearing and I want to ask for a section 7, so the judge can hear the experience and wishes directly from the children.

I am scared of my ex as he is extremely convincing and am scared to go up against him in a 3-day hearing as his statements paint a terrible picture of me as a parent, and I'm scared the kids will be taken off me and forced to go to him.

I have been told that I can have a Qualified Legal Representative (QLR) at court for the questioning. But I'm worried that this person will only be there to ask the questions which I put forward, and at court I fall to pieces and forget things as i'm scared.

Any advice appreciated.

I don't understand how you went from full custody to supported contact at a contact centre?
Ignore me - you mean you contact for father!
Sadly my case didn't go well re custody of my kids (parental alienation by father) and in retrospect I should have saved my money and gone with a Mackenzie's Friend.
How old are the children?

Given there is no evidence of the drug taking and sexual abuse I'd hope for the best but expect the worst. You really should have encouraged the children to go to the contact centre, they're safe there and it shows you're not trying to alienate them from their father. If they'd refused when they were in the building then the staff could have confirmed you were trying to persuade them

Search dadshouse - legal advice - they do support women too

Depends on the age of the children. If all over 10 self representing with in court a QLR because the children will be considered for their choice anyway. Have all your evidence, police reports, statements from any orgs that helped you etc as proof.

If younger then the burden on a to prove that contact with their father is detrimental, do you have such evidence? Paying for a solicitor or barrister is not necessarily the way to go without evidence. I've seen this too many times.

I obviously do not know your case, just before you spend money you don't really have think about what you want them to present to the court that you cannot yourself. Judges are used to send representation in these situations and will take it into consideration, a good friend is a former family court judge recently ish retired and he says he always was swayed by self representation by mums over flashy lawyers of the dad!

Thanks all for really helpful feedback. I did take kids to contact centre and they spoke directly with staff on their wishes whilst I waited outside. Court date has been set a year from now, so I feel a great sense of relief I have plenty of time to prepare. 🙏

How, by what legal process, did you take over full custody?

It might be a good idea to seek legal advice on how to handle his contact with the children between now and court.

Update incase helpful for others in my situation. I self-represented at court and used the allocated Qualified Legal Representative (QLR). At the pre-trial, my ex also filed for domestic abuse and was offered a QLR. My QLR was very helpful and convinced my ex to drop his case a month before the final hearing as there was too much evidence against him, and the children (young teens) did not want to see him. I was awarded lived with care with no contact with the F. Self-representing was the best thing I did for myself and when offered the QLR it worked out really well for getting the children and me the protection I needed without getting into debt. I had great support from 'Support through Court' who provided me with a Mackenzie friend. I have had to go up against some very abusive barristers who would twist my words and call me a liar to destabilise me. Also judges who would not let me speak. It's very heartbreaking as some of these were women. The power imbalance in the court system is palpable and I had no ability to speak up against the abuse of power in court and poor behaviour of court professionals without fear that the future of my children rested in the hands of the people who had the power to suppress my voice. There is no psychological safety and is a very retraumatising experience.

Well done OP. Sounds tough but you got through it.

You and your children must be so relieved - but the fact that some aspects of the court process caused you psychological distress is infuriating. It is usually the woman who is at a disadvantage because she cannot afford legal representation.

You are an absolute force. Well done. I hope you have space and support for the healing that will now be able to happen. Your children are safe because of you. This is everything.