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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Children do not want to go to access visits with dad

1 reply

UmberSnake · 12/06/2024 12:15

My divorce/consent order went through earlier this year. The relationship was abusive (controlling, verbally abusive, punching walls etc). He delayed the divorce constantly, broke the consent order by not signing the TR1 until after the deadline given. We have a parenting plan for the kids which we both signed after mediation detailing access days etc.
He has done some awful things since we split - reported me to social services saying I’m a bad mother and my boyfriend takes drugs, which was marked as a malicious report. He’s reported me to universal credit to lose me my top up payment as my salary is low, stopped voluntary maintenance payments so I had to go through CMS. I work in a school and he sent emails to them saying I’m a bad mother trying to lose me my job - it’s incessant!!. Unfortunately now he can no longer get to me he is upsetting the kids (7 & 4) when they go to access visits, by continually questioning them and saying nasty things about me. It’s been happening since we split 16 months ago but has now got worse. The kids tell him to stop, tell him it upsets them but he will not let up. It’s got to the stage where the kids no longer want to go, have to be coerced out of the car when they get there and sometimes my daughter locks herself in the bathroom and says she’s not going ever again. I have never kept the kids away from him as I am scared to stop them going as he will get extremely angry and I fear what he will do. Is there anyone who can give me some advice as to what to do to just stop him ruining his relationship with the kids. The welfare at their school (who are aware of everything) have advised me to message him stating the facts and asking him to stop, which I will do but I anticipate a torrent of abuse back from him when I send it, as this is his usual response to anything I do.

OP posts:
Ehunt1 · 13/06/2024 21:13

Hi I’m going through a similar situation, my 2 kids aged 8 and 3 refuse the see their father. They are hysterical when he came to get them for his court ordered time. My eldest is terrified of him and has stated this. It is heart breaking to see how distressed the kids are.
I don’t know what advice to give you as I’m also at a loss about what to do. The courts, child reporters and lawyers do not care at all about a child’s well-being. I feel we as mothers need to do all we can to protect our children from the detrimental effect this has on their mental health and well-being.

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