Worried I'm turning myself into the non-resident parent

[MassiveMugOfTea]

I am the main earner in the house. My job is accelerating and my boss is asking me to do more nights away, working late. I still do 80% of mornign drop offs but my husbands job is v predictable hours and he finishes at 4.30pm on the dot so he does most of the pick ups.

Do I need to reduce nights away? When we split - I will of course reduce nights away or use family - but right now I need money and i want a career that means i can afford our family home & things for kids.

I do all the school admin, uniforms, weekend stuff.

But will he be able to say that he should get more than 50% as i am often not there at school pick ups or miss about 2 bedtimes a week?

I'd have thought it's about the best interests of the child and maintaining whatever routine they are used to as far as possible.

Well, their current routine is 'drop off by mum, pick up by dad' - so obviously that can't stay the same as that would be madness.

The best interest on the children is to be with me 50% +, and to stay in the family home with me - I'm asking if I am weakening my chances of
securing that by staying away with work a night a week or so.

He's in a good position to argue that he does more caring for the children if you're away two night a week. That's just factual, isn't it?

If he really wants more time with the children, it’s kind of unfair for you to be spending nights away the the DC being with your family. When he could have them.

Hopefully you can both come up with a situation that’s best for the dc.
Do you get along ok? Also how far away does he live? FYI me and ex do 50:50. Works perfectly. Happy children, we live 5 mins walk from eachother

If you go 50:50 - which the courts like - you can go away on the nights he has them
your bigger issue could be affording a family home when you need to split everything 50:50

I think OP is saying that she would like to stay in her current home (ie family home) with DC. Not that the DC will be with her family.

OP, it’s very unlikely he’ll get more than 50-50. It sounds as if you share the childcare. Do you think he’d actually ask for more?

Depends how well you get on with him, if it's an increase in overnights then he could put in a claim for CMS regardless of how many drop offs you do.

What I would say is it's all about what's best for your dc. I kept working and had a pretty good career, but I dialled it back whilst the dc were small. I then got a decent nanny for a few years so I could pick up my career and gave it some more time when they were teens.

Presumably you don't drop off the two nights your away though, so wouldn't the current routine be more like mum drops off 3 days, dad drops off 2 & does 5 pick ups.

They will look at more then just school runs, but it does appear like he might be maim carer. What time do you get home normally? Who does tea, homework & bedtime? Who gets child benefit? Or does Dr appointments or stays home when they're ill?

Are the kids old enough that they would be asked they're preference?

I do 4 x drop offs in the morning and 3 x pick ups. I do all weekend stuff, hobbies, I do nighttime wakes (obviously not the night I'm away). I also do all admin, uniforms, assemblies, clubs. He refuses to join parents whstzapp. He couldn't even tell you their teachers names. Also me who takes time for when they're sick as I can do my job from home a lot.

It's just there is promotion on the cards so been saying yes to work trips. Promotion which mean I can afford to keep the family home by myself so my kids to stay in their home.

No child benefit as I earn too much.

Kids are too young to give preference. But they are v attached to me and the night away is tough on them- particularly the younger one who is used to be coming into to comfort him.

I think he might argue for more. He says "you're the career one, I'm the family man". He actually does v little of either unless he has to. He will argue for more to hurt me.

Imo you need to keep a detailed journal of the goings on that you deal with.. In full with receipts/appointment cards if applicable...

I can certainly do that @Beautifulbythebay My child has a learning disability so there are appointments most weeks and all attended by me. I can't risk him getting more than 50% for the kids sake. I just can't. So if advice is to stop the nights away i will do it.

Seconded.

Do you have a solicitor?

Definitely keep record's, most Dr reports start something like "it was lovely seeing X and his mum in clinic", so that paints a picture of who's doing medical stuff. It might be worth claiming CB anyway, even though you'll have to give it all back in your tax return, as it is used as a indication of the main caregiver.

Yes, I thought I'd read that about child benefit somewhere @Sprogonthetyne but couldn't find that info anywhere. I don't earn crazy amounts or anything. Just over limit. Looking at self assessment looked like a right PIA but if useful of course will apply. Thank u .

That is incorrect advice, CB is normally paid to the mother and/or agreed between parties. If your income is in excess of £60k then that person pays the high income child benefit charge, it is no indication of who is the main carer, only that one parents income exceeds the threshold.