Came across ex on dating site

[Havingtostartagain1]

Firstly I'd like to point out that i 100% don't want him back. I've been through hell and back with this man and am very pleased to be out of it. Unfortunately due to dependents we still have (minimal contact)

I joined a dating site for a little dipping my toes in the water looksie, but much to my surprise I stumbled across my ex tonight. Firstly he categorically swore to me that he had no interest in dating anyone, which I obviously knew was a lie but I wasn't expecting to see him there in black and white.

The fact I found him was a shock yes but what really painfully hurts is

1. his profile picture is one of the two of us, whereby I've been cropped out. It was taken a few years ago and we were both sooo happy together at this time

2. he said he's an ex smoker - well I saw him 4 hrs earlier and he had a fag on the go

3. he said he's been single for a long while- I moved out 6 months ago

4. he said he's quiet and doesn't let people in until he trusts them, which has saved him on more than one occasion - he is definitely made of steel because he only ever let me in a handful of times and swore blind that I was the most trusted person in his life

5. He's looking for that special person - that's what he used to call me

6. he's wild and spontaneous- either another downright lie or he never showed me his true self in all the years we were together as I never saw any wild or spontaneous sides

7. he doesn't buy Christmas cards because they are a waste of money - well I have a drawer full of all the cards he's bought me

8. looking for someone from age 42 (he's 56) - he always commented about how big the age gap was between us. I'm 45

I'm not sure what hurts more. That I fell for his charismatic ways and he hooked me in for years or that another innocent person is going to get caught up in the bs and spend years of her life trying to work out how she fell for such a manipulative man and then spend considerable time and money in therapy!

Please understand I'm not fused about him being out there. But the lies really really grate me. We do have minimal contact because we share animals but I have no interest in saying anything to him about this.

I guess who ever falls for the bs has nothing to do with me but the thought of another woman going through what I did...makes me sick to my stomach.

Why do you not have contacts blocked on the apps??

Take this as fair warning, people lie on dating websites. If he was honest, no one would want him!! Remember men you meet on there may also be lying (in fact probably are).

Still sucks to have seen his lies in black and white. Good reminder why you left him though

Reply and say how lovely he sounds and so much like your Ex sounded. Until your ex showed his true colours and could they be related.

No don't do this even if you are tempted.

If it's any help, most women consider a profile photo that clearly has the ex in in some way an immediate left swipe. What the hell are these men thinking?!

Tbf arseholes aren't exactly going to put on their dating profile that they are a complete dick are they, people try and portray themselves in the best light possible to get matches. Just block the profile and move on, he's not your problem earlier and there's absolutely no point in spending time feeling annoyed at him or sympathy for his next girlfriend. Just be glad you're rid of the knob and move on.

Not your problem anymore not earlier 😂

Oh also, I've come across DS2's dad on Bumble once or twice. Apparently he's a mature adult who's done the work and has his shit together 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Just block him, he's hardly going to advertise that he's a twat is he?

You obviously still care about him or else you wouldn't be arsed about this profile.

Honestly? None of this matters, it really doesn’t. Try to let it go and properly move on.

Not sure what the issue is tbh you are both dating so? I came across my ex on Facebook stating he has no children.... he has 5! People lie on dating apps what's new?

I think you might be in for a tricky time if you are expecting every dating site profile to be brutally honest.

Are they lies though???? Being single for a ‘while’ is true. I don’t send cards, but I do to my Mum. You can’t get worked up about this stuff. The smoking thing is dishonest but meh, none of us are going to say ‘I like fags, wine and Big Mac’s’.

It is not up to you to decide what is lies or not, the people you are finding on these could be lying too, to people that know you now or in the past that could label what you say is lying

You can't control what he writes. Let him lie, let anyone who connects with him find out for themselves. It's not your problem.
Also let this be a lesson to yourself to take what people say on dating apps with a large pinch of salt.

The cutting me out of photos is something I've experienced... but my clothes are still on the chair you're sat on!
It really hurts. You can only block and move on. X

Why does it even matter that he’s on a dating site…. So are you! You say you’re not fussed about him being out there it’s the lies. Why waste your time even reading his profile his lies aren’t for you they are for potential dates. Just don’t look and carry on trying to find someone for yourself if that’s what you’re on there for

If you are new to dating sites, it's probably super helpful to have concrete knowledge that lots of the stuff you read on there is total crap.
You wrote that you share dependents, but later pets. Is it kids or pets? If it's kids, yep, you are part of each other's lives for the next decade plus. If it's pets, I think it's better to make a sensible arrangement who has which pets and move on. What's the point tying yourselves together when it really isn't necessary?
Plus, be kind to yourself and let yourself heal, it's early days...

Liars lie. You will get to the point where it genuinely doesn’t surprise you anymore.