Other woman

[Gemaski]

I left a narcissisticly abusive relationship in December with our two children 12 and 9 and am so proud of how far I have come with the children, we left with just a couple of suitcases and we have found a flat furnished it and they are so so happy. No more seeing daddy passed out drunk on the sofa all day or wondering where he is. No more daddy shouting .

Originally they were going to see their dad one night a week for a sleepover but they never felt comfortable, his moods vary and he has only ever spent time with them in the past on his terms, preferring to spend his Weekends doing his own thing mainly disappearing and cheating. Unfortunately due to this- and the the fact he left them at midnight to pop to the shop causing my daughter to wake up and have a panic attack he is having them for two hours on Thursday and Friday evenings. I drop them off and collect them (about 15 minute walk each way so takes an hour each evening) yet he posts statuses about how kids deserve dads and dads fight a war every day!

He has recently told me that he has started a relationship with someone that I know he cheated on me with years ago (not sure how long the relationship has been going on and don't care I havent loved him for years) however I feel really resentful that he now wants to introduce her to the children and do all the family things when his parenting truly has been the bare minimum for years anything he has done with us Is because I paid and he took pictures to evidence his great parenting then spent the time looking at his phone earphones in. He is probably being a doting step dad toher son. He has asked to take them shopping tomorrow....he has never taken them shopping!!!

I'm lucky the children know exactly what he is like and do know that they have deserved better all these years, it was infact my daughter who encouraged me to leave! If I'm honest I'm jealous that they are going to be playing happy families. This woman knew he had a family.

I dont miss him,but I don't want him back I hate him but why is this so god damn hard!

Hi I don't have answers but give yourself a break it's normal to feel jealous / resentful / angry and a bunch of other things in this situation. Unless your children are in danger they should have contact with dad and unfortunately you can't dictate who he dates. Try your best to hold your head up high and show you are unaffected. At least it's just a few hours and not 50/50! Use these hours to do something nice for your self and if he wants to take them shopping, let him! Win win for you and the kids in many ways.

I know from hard, bitter experience how hard this can be.

Trust me though, in a few years time, when your DC tell you that daddy has now split up with [insert random name, won’t be the same one as currently] and is now with [insert another random] and roll their eyes about it, you’ll just laugh, hug them and get on with living your own life.

My mantra in these situations is “thank you for reminding me why I left you” (in my head obviously!!)

You feel very bitter towards him which is fully understandable, and you see him for all that he is, and he was more than lacking as a partner and a father. But, for the sake of your children’s mental and emotional well being, you have to find a way through this, and not speak negative thoughts about him to them. Rather than be jealous they will be playing happy families, look at it from another angle, in terms of stability for your children. Maybe this woman will encourage him to be a better father for the short periods of time he has his children. It’s about making the best of a painful situation. He’s unlikely to change his ways, but if you can make things as peaceful and light as possible for your kids, it will be to their advantage. I hope when you are ready, and if you want to, that you will meet a man who brings you nothing but happiness. Just try to navigate this rough patch with all the grace you can muster.