Actuary report

[beetlehope]

Hi all please help. My ex husband has a service final salary pension. His on paper is worth double my normal pension. Let say 77k vs 150k. Obviously they aren't competing apples and pears and he has currently offered I get a share of his pension 35% to make equal but I must sell my home.
My next step is an Actuary report but has anyone done this and can tell me how much more it might be worth? I'm desperate to stay in my home as it's the only place I've ever felt safe but can't afford to add half the equity he wants to the mortgage due to age.
My son is 6 and this is his home too and I don't want more disruption. At his Dad's he stays with his new gf and her family.

I’m not sure what your question is but it looks like you want to know if it is worth getting pensions valued with a view to using this as leverage to getting a bigger share of the equity to allow you to remain the family home. The answer is that it varies depending on a lot of factors.

The first point would be what is the approx values of the pensions. His could be double yours. But double 25k is different to double 500k. The answer to that question informs how far you go and spend on valuations.

The next issue is whether your ambition to remain in the family home is justified in terms of need. Not wanting to move isn’t a legal justification. For example if you want to stay in 4 bed house then your demand to keep all the equity is unreasonable. If you need to stay in a 2 bed because there is no other housing option near a school or community then it is reasonable.

Without detail his offer of pension equalisation and equity equalisation is fairer than your offer than you keep all the equity and thus prevent him from owning.

He has a home with his girlfriend. I am not asking to not pay him out I'm saying if his is 150 k and mine 70k and his is final salary mine is not what could an actuary report value it at? If I had half the equity I'd give it him to make the abusive contact end.

Also if a man has no savings and hasn't saved from paying half of the mortgage and lives rent free I have less understanding on how he will pay mortgage if he spends all his money each month

How have you arrived at the value of £150k for the final salary pension?

Normally this would be valued for divorce purposes by the pension provider as a CETV. Is this what has valued it at £150k?

Yes cetv makes his double mine but his is final salary nice lp sum etc mine standard crappy one:)

Is this question about the actuary report or the fact your ex is now living with his new GF and family???

I had an Actuary report, it gave a way for us to split the pensions fairly. My other half also paid for a financial advisor report but we used the Actuary report as the most authoritative. The pension company valuation is a different thing.
I can't advise you what to do but that's what I choose.

No I was explaining his living arrangements for clarity. He's not living under a rock. I feel some judgement from you on that one. I don't know why I ask anything on here it only leads to feeling attacked and more desperate. All I want is to keep my daughters home. If he can afford it he can live here but he cannot. There are many other factors - I put in so much more. I feel the only way a Woman is treated well is to marry rich and never work or we have to do everything and lose it all .

Thank you. We are going to ask for a report. I was asking if anyone had one what was the outcome vs cetv. Was it much higher?

I can assure you your last sentence is completely wrong.

I'm currently supporting a close friend who "married rich" and hasn't worked for over 20 years because her millionaire husband insisted she gave up her well-paid career in order for her to be free whenever he needed her company for whatever reason (and even wrote her resignation letter). Her husband being the person he is, he made sure all the marital assets are in his sole name and is fighting tooth and nail (and dirty) to keep them, despite her case clearly being one of "need".

It's easy to envy the lives of women who marry well, but it's not all milk and honey - especially if the financial rug is pulled from under them and whatever savings they've managed to accumulate are being eaten up in legal fees.

Financial independence, if you can achieve it, is gold.

I don't think her situation is OK either- I have sympathy which you don't seem to have for me ? I think the system was put in place to try to protect women like your friend and I hope it works out that way. I do feel that trying to do everything also bites you on the arse. I don't want his pension I want what I put into my home. I hope your friend is OK it's an awful thing to go through. Oh and the new gf I pity- he's lovely until you don't agree then you are dead to him

My situation was far more complex than yours, as my ex had a number of pensions and I had only one very small one. The actuary report worked out the best way of splitting what and from which pensions. But I believe the total pension figure was much more than the CETV figure.
I don't really understand it and would suggest getting good financial advice.

I'm sorry if you inferred from my post I don't have sympathy for you, which is emphatically not the case.

I've been through the divorce mill myself and know how awful it is - and I do remember envying people who seemed to have idyllic marriages to wealthy men. Experience has since shown appearances don't always reflect reality.