discovered husband saw woman and lied to me about it

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in brief my husband of 30 odd years has been seeing on and off a woman from large office he used to work in I found out looking at his phone for something a message from her thanking for dinner and told him to stop it after him saying nothing in it just social to me its still cheating.
I found out he'd called her again and he lied and said he hadnt but he had dinner with her recently when he stayed in London and lied to me what he was doing..
I have her number from his phone and want to call her to see if they have had a sexual relationship and how does she know one of his grown up children makes me think my husband has included her in some social event with them.
what do you think I should do I feel betrayed by him.

I would be planning my exit.

I am not sure whatever happens you can trust the other woman and what she says either!

Well couple of things

its perfectly possibly to go out for dinner or meet up occasionally with people of opposite sex. What’s your problem
with it particularly?

I meet up for dinner or drinks with ex colleagues, perfectly acceptable thing to do

if you’re telling him what he can and can’t do he’s going to lie or simply not tell you he’s going probably to prevent an argument or you trying to say no.

if he had said, oh btw when I’m in London I’m going to meet up with X for a catch up
would you be ok with it if he was upfront ?
how often are they meeting?
are there other messages?
anything to suspect something going on other than they meet for dinner occasionally ? How frequently is it?

Sorry for long replyvIt’s not actually colleague worked in huge company husband v senior and woman would have had to speak and get on with him rarely but for outside courses
I have no problem with male female friends another female he worked with regularly stayed with us
I had male friends I met up with too
its the secrecy that rings warning bells
Eg keeping number under false name
i found out about it when he broke his leg and gave me his phone to call another director friend he was meeting to cancel and saw the message to the woman he had sent while in ambulance for god s sake on way to hospital cancelling meeting at expensive club following day
years Ago when I saw her name on his phone he lied to me about her name and profession but I found out and let it it go
this has gone on for maybe 10 years
she has met his grown up child from 1st marriage that’s weird
he Stays in London every 6 weeks or so visits family he says
can’t decide whether to let it go again or see the lying cheat that he is

Yeah that doesn’t sound great especially the number under different name etc

does he know that you know he’s lied? Have you told him you know he’s lying ?

i personally would not be calling this women - she either is having an affair with him in which case she’ll lie or she isn’t in which case i) she’ll think you’re crazy ii) will tell your husband you’re crazy

ultimately if you can’t /don’t trust him the relationship is pretty much doomed

I got out for lunch with male members of my team at least once a week - I’ve never slept with any of them… and not would I.

it’s quite possible to have platonic relationships!

has something to lose got your senses tingling?