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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Co-parenting gets tiresome

3 replies

hateexpensivepillows · 30/05/2024 22:44

Just the effort involved! Just ranting really. I still feel like I'm doing all the emotional parenting, having the talks, figuring stuff out, thinking about safety issues where the ex just says ds is old enough in secondary - and this emotional labour isn't really valued. Ex does the theme park stuff. Ex has so much more money than me as he kept his career and I was a sahm for a few years so my career tanked. Our time split is 60me/40him but I'm often expected to be flexible around his job. And he's picked the middle of the summer holiday to go away as he has the money and more fun holiday so ds up for this. We never went to court - partly as we couldn't afford it at time - so I'm never sure on how fair things were. And he's reluctant to discuss any parenting thing if he's busy with work. It sometimes feels like a worse deal - co-parenting with someone rather than living with someone who treats me with disdain, at least I had some money when with him. I try and maintain a cordial relationship but sometimes that feels like I compromise more apart than I did together. I'm thinking I need to firm up my boundaries but am feeling worn down at mo'.

OP posts:
Zeberd · 31/05/2024 07:21

I feel for you. It must be really hard that. Like you say, you probably need to toughen up a bit and improve your boundaries. If you didn’t seek advice on the financial side, he has probably shafted you. Keep going and your day will come.

Scarletttulips · 31/05/2024 07:24

You may still need a financial agreement to sever ties between you - you can still go after his money! If you are struggling you can get legal aid - it’s worth looking into.

5475878237NC · 01/06/2024 01:38

If you don't have a financial order it might be worth talking with a solicitor to see if they think you got a fair deal. Without a financial order from a court you could potentially go to court for money.

It's so hard isn't it. Is it better to stay so you can provide all of the parenting 24/7 and protect them from a shit parent? Or better to go and have to co-parent with less resources in many ways and different challenges to living together. Anyway you are where you are and at least are being true to yourself. What will happen if you stop compromising as much? What needs to happen for you to feel you are thriving?

I also wonder about the motivation for going sometimes cited on here of the importance of teaching children what a healthy relationship is...I don't know any divorced mums who have sat down with their kids after the divorce and in an age appropriate, slow process way done this explicitly. It's too late when they're adults as their templates for relationships are already formed.

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