Is there any benefit to this?

[yawnanotherone]

Short intro to where I am - divorcing H after finding out about affair that also led to him losing high earning job. Have 2 teenage DC (13 and 16). He has a settlement amount of money from work which isn't unsubstantial. He hasn't managed to get another job yet (been two months) and still living in the house. I want him out.

We are starting mediation next week, but he is now saying he has a job interview in his home town (a plane ride away) for a 4 month contract. Means him moving back to his family home, leaving me here with kids, house, dog and a freelance career that I am trying to build up into something I can keep me and DC afloat with.

if it were just me I would be delighted to have hundreds of miles between us, but AIBU to think that this is not the best thing for the kids at all? He thinks putting money in an account towards the mortgage is enough, while he has his mum take care of him. I would have no help here at all where we live - family all a plane ride away too.

I am furious he hasn't even waited until mediation to discuss any of this.

is there any benefit to me from a divorce/legal point of view to him doing this? Before I go postal...

It depends what you would see as a benefit really, if he is a distance away then you will almost definitely be main carer of the children and as such he will be required to pay you maintenance for them- some people would see that as a benefit.

But the reality is that you are separated and he can take whatever job he wants, wherever he wants. It is one of the flaws of the system that dad’s can do this, they can decide to only see their kids every other week or once a month and as long as they pay child maintenance there’s nothing else you can do about it unfortunately.

It’s also not really a discussion, if he wants to do that then you can be unhappy with it but you can’t stop him.

I imagine the atmosphere in the house is rather tense. Also, it never hurts to have money coming in - teenagers are rather expensive. Also, long gaps don't look good on CV. You might not care for his standard of living. However it wouldn't be nice if he stopped providing for the children due to being out of work/taking lower paid jobs. Nothing is guaranteed in this life, including a return to a well paying career. I do appreciate you are hurting. However in my opinion you need to put your practical hat on and let him take this contract. I am somewhat confused why you are saying you will be left to look after the children on your own. They aren't 6 and 3, they are 16 and 13. They should certainly be doing their share of house chores. Their dad could be rewarding them with money, contract work pays better than regular work. Same for school work- £££ could motivate most teenagers towards certain grades