Taking over mortgage

[Catsruledogsdroolokay]

We have a small mortgage on our house
I want to stay in it till July 2026 when youngest will start secondary school
Then happy to move with both kids to town where the secondary is
We are just about to start discussing finances
What’s the best way to approach this?
I can’t afford to buy husband out now
My suggestion would be that I take over the mortgage and in 2 years when we sell the house he gets his portion (50? 40? 30?%)
As the mortgage is small I can afford it
I am certain he will not want to wait 2 years though and I have no clue what the steps are, and in what order, to make this a reality

Anyone got any advice?

He will absolutely have a share in any equity including for the period of time you are covering the mortgage, maintenance etc. This was my situation. The reason for this is because only you are benefitting from the home - his future share of equity from now until then is essentially the rent you would be paying on his half of the property. Like any other investment, if he leaves his equity in the house his share will also rise and fall depending on the market so it’s a risk. No one would agree a mesher arrangement willingly if they didn’t share in any eventual benefit of doing so or it would be completely unfair on the person who has left the marital home. The person staying in the house is expected to pay all bills and then share the equity built, so the important thing to agree is what that eventual percentage will be. Only a solicitor with all the figures would be able to advise what that might be.

Interesting responses
I assume I could then expect him to pay half of any maintenance costs/repairs?

I can take the mortgage on. It’s small enough that if I go full time then a bank will lend me what I need. My decision in principle is for 50k more than the current mortgage based on my PT wage so I should be okay.
It’s just we have so much equity in the house I can’t get a mortgage big enough to buy him out - even with giving him my half of the cash assets (which would also be a stupid thing to do)

I would have to give up any claim on his pension and I’m not prepared to do that because mine is so small from giving up work then going back PT.

I think best bet is to agree a split and just suck it up for 2 years, stay here for the kids and then make a clean break when the youngest goes to secondary

If only I could have delayed finding out about the affair till then 🤣😂🤣

He won’t be expected to pay half cost if reissues no

as said, you need to come to an agreement on the share of equity he gets. That’s key. And to do that you need to understand all financial aspects of divorce, equity, pension, any other assets etc, negotiate and work out the split of assets and how that will work

No, you would be expected to pay maintenance / repairs as part of the ‘rent’ for living there.

The mortgage company might well be unwilling to allow someone on the deeds who isn’t on the mortgage - it’s unusual and you would have to check with them.

Interesting responses
I assume I could then expect him to pay half of any maintenance costs/repairs?

I'd say that would be reasonable if you were to pay him rent at market value for his half whilst you were living in his asset.

I wasn’t expected to pay half of the maintenance/repairs - I suppose because generally the person leaving the property would be either spending much more in rent if renting the same sort of property as the family home, or has their own maintenance/ repairs if not renting. The whole point of the mesher is that the person living in it can afford to live in it and all that that entails - again, this is due to the fact that the person remaining has exclusive benefit of the home.

Well this has been an eye opener
Lovely to know how screwed me and the kids are by his choice to have an affair
Now I see why some women just look the other way…..

Well not really - he'd argue that he is paying a price for it too, by getting kicked out of his own home.

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you’re actually really fortunate financially, being in a position where you can pay the mortgage and can then buy something with your share of the equity, and that he can also afford to rent then buy somewhere to also have the children. Most couples need both wages to run one house and that’s often a stretch nowadays. Many people have to sell and rent accommodation that is much smaller or in much cheaper areas in order to keep a roof over their heads. Many (often men) end up sofa surfing or moving back into their parents so that the children are housed because both incomes are needed to do that. Mumsnet is full of people asking about three kids sharing a bedroom etc. The affair is not considered in divorce, it’s a totally separate issue to the finances. You probably feel like there’s no sympathy, but it’s not that, the affair just isn’t ‘punished’ from a financial perspective. If you had been the person having the affair, the responses would be the same.

This is what people mean by getting their ducks in a row. They do the calculations before telling their spouse they want out and yes, sometimes by pretending not to know about an affair until the finances line up.

You want out now (and I would feel the same) but that means you have to deal with the circumstances not being the best.

The courts almost never take behaviour into account in dividing assets, I’m afraid.

He will be building equity because he still has a stake in the property. The point is you will be the one paying the interest and capital.

It might feel like you’re screwed but actually as a lower earner with a high earning husband you’re in a strong position and as divorce progresses he may start to feel screwed financially as you’re likely to get a v large chunk of assets